Dog's Day
Predator Press
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Has anyone seen the commercial for the 'Doggie Stairs' product?
The thing is like a two foot tall set of carpeted stairs, so the little poodles and puppies -stricken with stubby lil legs by an unmerciful God- can get up on your bed and into your car, et cetera.
Given that one of the major selling points of this thing is not having to bend down to pick up your dog -and all the dogs in the commercial are between five and ten pounds- where would one find a consumer base that would shell out $40 and haul this thing around instead?
Mr. Insanity let me visit his trailer park to do some research. Clearly this is another instance that we could demonstrate the trademarked glorious and triumphant technologically-superior improvements for which Predator Press is world-renown: Humanity demands yet more of our artful manifestations, and once again we are drawn upon for our ingenius crafts of elegant scientific form and function.
Now the problem with trailer parks is that they tend to be a little cramped: very few people in these tightly-packed communities own poodles and puppies between five and ten pounds ... Our original concept of a Doggie Escalator was doomed to failure as all we could find in them were Pit Bulls and Dobermans.
But luckily, Mr. Insanity had a V-8 motor hanging by chain from a tree over his El Camino. And with all that extra horsepower, we developed the Doggie Centrifuge.
Equipped with the patented harness, you can launch a full-grown German Shepard into your bed from idling speed: at full choke this thing will put a pissed Saint Bernard safely into the fourth-story window of a PETA office building with surprising accuracy, even without with the optional scope ($400).
Think about it! If you have a friend in a neighboring trailer park that also has the Doggie Centrifuge you could just fire the happy pooch back and forth rather than taking those long tedious walks.
The Doggie Centrifuge is still being tested as we're having problems with the nitrous attachments, but we're expecting to be in full production by summer.
The expected retail price should be around $3,000-$4,000, and we are taking advance orders from anyone with a VISA.
[LOBO]
Has anyone seen the commercial for the 'Doggie Stairs' product?
The thing is like a two foot tall set of carpeted stairs, so the little poodles and puppies -stricken with stubby lil legs by an unmerciful God- can get up on your bed and into your car, et cetera.
Given that one of the major selling points of this thing is not having to bend down to pick up your dog -and all the dogs in the commercial are between five and ten pounds- where would one find a consumer base that would shell out $40 and haul this thing around instead?
Mr. Insanity let me visit his trailer park to do some research. Clearly this is another instance that we could demonstrate the trademarked glorious and triumphant technologically-superior improvements for which Predator Press is world-renown: Humanity demands yet more of our artful manifestations, and once again we are drawn upon for our ingenius crafts of elegant scientific form and function.
Now the problem with trailer parks is that they tend to be a little cramped: very few people in these tightly-packed communities own poodles and puppies between five and ten pounds ... Our original concept of a Doggie Escalator was doomed to failure as all we could find in them were Pit Bulls and Dobermans.
But luckily, Mr. Insanity had a V-8 motor hanging by chain from a tree over his El Camino. And with all that extra horsepower, we developed the Doggie Centrifuge.
Equipped with the patented harness, you can launch a full-grown German Shepard into your bed from idling speed: at full choke this thing will put a pissed Saint Bernard safely into the fourth-story window of a PETA office building with surprising accuracy, even without with the optional scope ($400).
Think about it! If you have a friend in a neighboring trailer park that also has the Doggie Centrifuge you could just fire the happy pooch back and forth rather than taking those long tedious walks.
The Doggie Centrifuge is still being tested as we're having problems with the nitrous attachments, but we're expecting to be in full production by summer.
The expected retail price should be around $3,000-$4,000, and we are taking advance orders from anyone with a VISA.
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