DASH CUNNING HAS RETURNED
Predator Press
[DASH CUNNING]
YES PEOPLE! DRY YOUR TEARS. DASH CUNNING, IN RESPONSE TO YOUR MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF EMAILS, HAS ONCE AGAIN RETURNED TO GRACE YOU WITH HIS WISDOM. AND HOPEFULLY HE WILL RESCUE THIS BLOG FROM ALL THIS OTHER BANAL NONSENSE AND DRIVEL TOO.
SORRY FOR DASH CUNNING'S EXTENDED ABSENCE. ZANE INDUSTRIES IS A DEMANDING MISTRESS. IT TURNS OUT THAT 75% OF ALL ACCIDENTS (AND POTENTIAL LAWSUITS) AT OUR WAREHOUSE INVOLVE "MOBILE EQUIPMENT" SUCH AS FORKLIFTS AND THINGS. DASH CUNNING IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT AS OF TODAY, ALL "MOBILE EQUIPMENT" AT ZANE INDUSTRIES HAS BEEN RENDERED COMPLETELY IMMOBILE.
INSTEAD OF RECKLESSLY DRIVING A FOUR-TON VEHICLE AROUND AND MOVING DANGEROUS PALLETS OF SINISTER PRODUCTS ABOUT, WE WILL NOW HAVE EIGHT BIG GUYS TO LIFT THE FORKLIFT TO THE PALLET, SLIDE THE FORKS UNDER IT, AND THEN CARRY THE FORKLIFT, FORKLIFT DRIVER (SOMEBODY HAS TO FREQUENTLY BLAST THE HORN), PALLET AND FREIGHT TO THE DESIRED LOCATION.
AS THIS WILL OBVIOUSLY BE A HUGE SETBACK FOR OUR WOULD-BE ROBOT OVERLORDS, DASH CUNNING CAN NOW FOCUS ON THE EVIL ZOMBIE HORDE'S INEVITABLE INVASION.
... WELL, THAT AND HIRING EIGHT NEW FORKLIFT LIFTERS (THEY WON'T LET DASH CUNNING OUTSOURCE THIS TO INDIA) ... AND SPEAKING OF DASH CUNNING, DASH CUNNING WANTS A PITH HELMET. DASH CUNNING WOULD LOOK GREAT IN A PITH HELMET. IT WOULD AUGMENT DASH CUNNING'S RUGGED, GOOD LOOKS WITH A REGAL AND IMPERIALIST STATURE. DO ANY OF YOU PEOPLE KNOW WHERE THIS "PITH" SHOP IS?
ANYWAY, ANYONE INTERESTED IN JOINING DASH CUNNINGS'S ELITE CORE OF ZANE INDUSTRIES FORKLIFT LIFTERS PLEASE EMAIL YOUR RESUME.
ENGLISH SPEAKING NEED NOT APPLY.
[DASH CUNNING]
YES PEOPLE! DRY YOUR TEARS. DASH CUNNING, IN RESPONSE TO YOUR MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF EMAILS, HAS ONCE AGAIN RETURNED TO GRACE YOU WITH HIS WISDOM. AND HOPEFULLY HE WILL RESCUE THIS BLOG FROM ALL THIS OTHER BANAL NONSENSE AND DRIVEL TOO.
SORRY FOR DASH CUNNING'S EXTENDED ABSENCE. ZANE INDUSTRIES IS A DEMANDING MISTRESS. IT TURNS OUT THAT 75% OF ALL ACCIDENTS (AND POTENTIAL LAWSUITS) AT OUR WAREHOUSE INVOLVE "MOBILE EQUIPMENT" SUCH AS FORKLIFTS AND THINGS. DASH CUNNING IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT AS OF TODAY, ALL "MOBILE EQUIPMENT" AT ZANE INDUSTRIES HAS BEEN RENDERED COMPLETELY IMMOBILE.
INSTEAD OF RECKLESSLY DRIVING A FOUR-TON VEHICLE AROUND AND MOVING DANGEROUS PALLETS OF SINISTER PRODUCTS ABOUT, WE WILL NOW HAVE EIGHT BIG GUYS TO LIFT THE FORKLIFT TO THE PALLET, SLIDE THE FORKS UNDER IT, AND THEN CARRY THE FORKLIFT, FORKLIFT DRIVER (SOMEBODY HAS TO FREQUENTLY BLAST THE HORN), PALLET AND FREIGHT TO THE DESIRED LOCATION.
AS THIS WILL OBVIOUSLY BE A HUGE SETBACK FOR OUR WOULD-BE ROBOT OVERLORDS, DASH CUNNING CAN NOW FOCUS ON THE EVIL ZOMBIE HORDE'S INEVITABLE INVASION.
... WELL, THAT AND HIRING EIGHT NEW FORKLIFT LIFTERS (THEY WON'T LET DASH CUNNING OUTSOURCE THIS TO INDIA) ... AND SPEAKING OF DASH CUNNING, DASH CUNNING WANTS A PITH HELMET. DASH CUNNING WOULD LOOK GREAT IN A PITH HELMET. IT WOULD AUGMENT DASH CUNNING'S RUGGED, GOOD LOOKS WITH A REGAL AND IMPERIALIST STATURE. DO ANY OF YOU PEOPLE KNOW WHERE THIS "PITH" SHOP IS?
ANYWAY, ANYONE INTERESTED IN JOINING DASH CUNNINGS'S ELITE CORE OF ZANE INDUSTRIES FORKLIFT LIFTERS PLEASE EMAIL YOUR RESUME.
ENGLISH SPEAKING NEED NOT APPLY.
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