Leperball

Predator Press

[LOBO]

People are always asking me, "LOBO, with basketball season over and football not yet in full swing, how does a legendary athlete such as yourself spend your leisure time?”

Well I’m glad you asked me that.

I’ve always believed that people as gifted and successful as myself should spend a lot of time giving back to the community; encouraging the "less fortunate" that they too might become a chiseled physical phenomena such as myself is exactly the false hope today’s kids need to keep them from dealing drugs, stealing my car, or other things 'the community' generally frowns upon.

With Shark Boxing still tied up in pre-production due to a quagmire of insurance hassles, I generally spend my weekends coaching a pee-wee football team I signed up for Pop Warner called the Starfishes -a spirited and rugged little squad of ‘can do’ types, all afflicted with advanced stages of leprosy.

This is my third year -the first of which I am Federally mandated to because of the “Anti-Discrimination Act.” -Little Timmy's dad used it to sue me when I puked at the post-game pizza party and tried to resign.

Little Timmy is now quarterback.

His 'lil dad must be so proud ...

Visit Angry Seafood and join the
Humor-Blogs Fantasy Football League!

The Humor-Blogs Fantasy Football League!

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Once again Chris Cameron has struck a brilliant chord in the worldwide blogging concerto, rising above the dissonance with a bittersweet and blood-soaked symphony of bone-crushing harmony: the Humor-Blogs Fantasy Football League.

I might not know jack about football, but me 'an fantasy go waaaaaay back.

Visit Angry Seafood and join the Humor-Blogs Fantasy Football League.

-NOW!

The Legend of Testicles

Predator Press


[LOBO]

Sure we’ve all heard the fantastic adventures of Hercules. But Predator Press scienticians have unearthed archeological evidence that Hercules had an evil twin brother, Testicles.

Testicles wasn’t as quite as large as his legendary sibling Hercules –and frankly he wasn’t all that bright either. But in their youth, Testicles often ran the show.

Hercules and Testicles eventually became bitter rivals, and Hercules often beat Testicles severely. One fateful day Hercules beat Testicles so badly, Testicles shrank off into obscurity forever.

The Astronaut Whisperer

Predator Press

[LOBO]

After being struck by a landing space shuttle, Air Traffic Controller Dirk Elway’s life is completely transformed: sunken into a bleak and menthol fog of Nyquil and Altoids addiction, even his goldfish have run away.

Similarly one of the surviving astronauts on board that very same space shuttle goes crazy, buys a box of Depends, and rides across the country –ultimately killing everyone in Twentynine Palms California with a rake.

On a hunch, Clint Eastwood –a world-renown Astronaut Whisperer- gambles that Dirk and The Astronaut’s macabre killing spree are somehow linked; armed with nothing but a 32 oz jar of Tang and a walkie-talkie Clint makes contact, culling the rogue Astronaut and reuniting him with ailing Dirk … but soon thereafter Dirk is mysteriously killed by an overdose of rake to the back of the skull.

Can Clint teach The Astronaut to laugh and love again? Will The Astronaut once again claim his coveted spot in the London Symphony Orchestra? And how can The Astonaut's lowly new job of testing 747 engines by tossing live seagulls into them let him rise once again to his once-lofty astronaut status? Only time and a ragtag group of Baptist church choir enthusiasts can tell.

We here at Predator Press give The Astronaut Whisperer, like, ten big thumbs up: this is the surprisingly engaging tale of an astronaut beset by tragedy and a love for gardening, and Clint's dogged and relentless efforts to repair his broken and battered spirit.

Scheduled for release this summer, it’s an uplifting, fun and romantic little film that’s a must-see for the whole family.

Nicolas Cage is not in this movie.

Please Welcome Our Proud New Sponsor!

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Too slithy for anything but the mimsy of gyring toves, wabe bororoves, and gamey bandersnatches every fair and frumious brillig?

Do you find yourself always galumphing along the tulgey with uffish, manxome, whiffling thoughts -thoughts of completely outgrabed mome raths?

-Blech!

Well break out your vorpal blade under the Tumtum tree and chortle with frabjous, beamish joy as you gimble up some all-natural nutritious lowfat Snicker-Snacks ®!*

Eat Snicker-Snacks ®
by Jabberwocky

Now chocked full of vitamin-fortified Jubjub!

* Warning: It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire; possible side effects may include an evil Galactic Empire, hidden bases, rebel spaceships, a period of civil war, being far away yet not quite far enough, drowsiness, dizziness, migraines, insomnia, slight weight increase, massive weight increase, temporary blindness, stomach cramps, hallucinations, aneurysms, nausea, cancer, weaponized plutonium, projectile vomiting, projectile diarrhea, projectile vomiting and simultaneous projectile diarrhea, tsunamis, wormholes, lesions, malignant tumors, Cthulhu Mythos, MicroSoft updates, democratic fundraisers, and conspicuous erections in prison.

If consumed, please consult your physician and local pastor immediately.

Think First

Rocket Scientist, Ask Me Anything

[Stephanie B.]

Think first.

Really, that seems obvious but people don't put it into practice often enough. Think before you speak.

A great deal is made in this country of the right to say whatever we think, but there is something that goes with that right - responsibility for what one has said. If we thought about what we were saying more often, I suspect we wouldn't say so damn much.

Of course, many people don't even think before they act (and the lack of accountability among many is a WHOLE other topic), but speaking does plenty of damage itself. It's not harmless to mutter racial epithets when there are only your children to hear you.

It's not helpful to demand a higher authority than Hawaii prove the President was born there (hint hint, when it comes to birth record, the state IS the authority).

It serves no purpose, no matter what ideological side you are on for any topic to repeat what your leaders have said without running it through your own logical processes first. No one is infallible. Few leaders (if any) are free of ulterior motives. What they say reflects on them.

What you say, however, is your responsibility and, if you regurgitate any nonsense you're given (and reject any other information because of the source), well, that's no one's fault but yours.

You might want to think about that.



Submission and Rules
Schedule

Shocking Barack Obama Bootleg Porn!

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Yes, you read it here first at Predator Press: “Shocking Barack Obama Bootleg Porn” probably does not exist.

Probably.

And would you really want it to?

Blech.

-You people are weird.