Predator Press
[LOBO]
Following in the tradition of other great sages and intellects suffering from a deep crisis of Faith, I went golfing with
Speedcat Hollydale.
As a natural born athlete, I derive much pleasure from sports: distraction might be just what I need.
"Fore!" I call. Throwing the golf ball up in the air, I smack it hard with the bat and it arced gracefully. The distance was good, but it landed far to the right of my target.
"Dammit!"
"That's a mean slice you have there," says Speedcat addressing his own ball. He had a curious habit of hitting the ball from the ground with a bent metal stick.
"You should let me take a mulligan," I protest.
"Not a chance," says Speedcat, concentrating. "I've already let you take six."
"But a daiquiri umbrella was stuck in my facemask!"
"Look," he says exasperated. "At some point you're just going to have to face the fact that you're gonna owe me that 100 bucks."
Whock
... Crash!
"Hah!" I says. "You didn't call your shot!"
"First, this isn't
Pool. And second, that's the only damned window the police car had left!" Speedcat argued. "Speaking of which, we should get moving. That cop is bound to come out of that Dunkin' Donuts any second now."
"So you forfeit?"
"Like hell."
"All right,
screw it," I says. Struggling under my protective sternum plate, I dig for my wallet.
'Your game was really off today," observes Speedcat. "What's bothering you?"
"I hadda get a blood test for the wedding," I concede. "The whole thing was very traumatizing."
"Did they find something wrong?"
"No. My blood got an A+, once again demonstrating it's intellectual superiority over all the other stupid and inferior bloods." I hand him a $100 bill. "I just feel like I was treated rudely from the start."
"Really?"
"Yeah. When I got to the medical center, I was very clear that
nobody was gonna impale me except for
Doctor Toboggans ...
Especially not that quack Doctor I. M. Nyarlathotep."
Speedcat paused from packing his clubs. "Well that sounds pretty straightforward actually."
"Yeah. But Doctor I. M. Nyarlathotep was argumentative," I says, throwing my football shoulderpads in the trunk. "He was all,
'But Toboggans isn't that kind of Doctor,' and
Toboggans is busy saving America from certain economic disaster,' blah blah blah."
"You're kidding," says Speedcat, tightening the knot on the kayak caddy. "Hey, watch out. Here comes the Zamboni."
"Thanks."
"So what did you tell him?"
"I asked him flatly what kind of 'medical center' the ignoramus was supposedly
running devoid of such luminaries as Doctor Toboggans."
"Then what happened?"
"I don't know. The tranquilizer dart started taking effect."
Predator Press
"What, brings you here today my son?" asks Father Fritz.
"I was moved by The Spirit."
Predator Press
Predator Press
[audible sigh]
"Possible zombie."
"Fusion powered. All chrome. She's really come a long way. And you should see how fast she can deal the cards at Euchre. Mom and her are still inseparable ... but if we have another incident at the children's petting zoo, I think they are going to call the cops."
You remember the drill: no sooner would you get that kickass skateboard ramp all set up and some blue-haired wrinkle kit runs out yelling "GET OFF OF MY LAWN!" Wobbling precariously on his or her rocker, they shook their liver-spotted and crunkly clenched hand menacingly at about eye-level to punctuate every syllable.
