[LOBO]
a quarter from Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Al-Maliki's ear.
Saturday
Census Reveals More Horses Asses Than Horses
Predator Press
[LOBO]
President George W. Bush prepares to mysteriously withdraw
a quarter from Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Al-Maliki's ear.
[LOBO]
a quarter from Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Al-Maliki's ear.
Landmark 'Halliburton v. Blackwater' Suit Filed
Predator Press
[LOBO]
"As you can see by my charts and graphs, Blackwater
currently holds the marketing edge due to disproportionate
liberties only enjoyed by MicroSoft and Pepsi."
[LOBO]
currently holds the marketing edge due to disproportionate
liberties only enjoyed by MicroSoft and Pepsi."
Hindsight is 50/50
Predator Press
[LOBO]
You know, when we were nominated "Worst Blog of All Time", we figured we were pretty safe.
I mean, maybe we couldn't hold onto #1 forever, but we might drift into the 'Top Ten' from time to time and give 'ole www.virusspammingchickswithdicks.com a decent run for their sticky money.
[LOBO]You know, when we were nominated "Worst Blog of All Time", we figured we were pretty safe.
I mean, maybe we couldn't hold onto #1 forever, but we might drift into the 'Top Ten' from time to time and give 'ole www.virusspammingchickswithdicks.com a decent run for their sticky money.
Thursday
Jesse Jackson Calls for Halloween Boycott
Predator Press
[LOBO]
"Unlucky!" he says. "That is how the black cat is regarded. And how is the 'black cat' always depicted? Riding on the back of the luxurious broom of some elitist green witch."
"This is just another example of the white cat exploiting the black cat, just as he has with the Siamese and the Calico. Heck, I'll bet the white cat will breed a blue cat and a green cat so's he can exploit a purple cat, and then have completely exploited the entire cat spectrum! Catch your mice my ass."
"--Wait. What color are those mice?"
[LOBO]"Unlucky!" he says. "That is how the black cat is regarded. And how is the 'black cat' always depicted? Riding on the back of the luxurious broom of some elitist green witch."
"This is just another example of the white cat exploiting the black cat, just as he has with the Siamese and the Calico. Heck, I'll bet the white cat will breed a blue cat and a green cat so's he can exploit a purple cat, and then have completely exploited the entire cat spectrum! Catch your mice my ass."
"--Wait. What color are those mice?"
Saturday
Movers and Shakers
Predator Press
[LOBO]
As previously discussed in a post named Zen,
Ethan owns a small orphanage in Newark.
I manage it.
... As successful entrepreneurs, we feel it's important to give back to the community.
So when we were invited to the awards ceremony to celebrate our nomination for "Most Profitable Orphanage of the Year" we thought Oh cool, a free meal!
***
Tricking me to get there an hour before the food was served made me cranky. I mean I'm already a notable benefit to the community and enormous asset to the Nation; there's no need to drag me out to some ceremony where billionaire hot chicks can just plot and plan for me to be their "arm candy" like I'm just some piece of meat. I don't need affirmation, thank you; I get enormous satisfaction out just simply helping out those poor kids and turning out an untaxable $420,000 in annual profit.
Once inside, my ears were instantly assaulted by a live samba band in the lobby, afflicting the dense crowd of aristocrats with a horrific, offbeat stabbing sound.
--The maraca player was either drunk, or a completely ill-timed incompetent idiot.
Instantly grabbing a champaign bottle by the neck, I shatter it on a nearby marble statue and rush the stage so I can plunge the glistening, jagged edges deeply into the bastards throat. "You butcher!" I scream. You don't shake maracas, you blend maracas!"
While security held me back at first, the crowd had already turned on the inept hack; I was soon rushed up to try and rescue the performance. The lead singer tried to hand me his beastly maracas, and I almost reflexively spat on them. It was then I opened my briefcase and cried into the microphones, "Behold!"
As the lead singer's eyes adjusted to the glowing light, his jaw dropped.
I unsecured my maracas from the inside of the case.
They are hand carved from genuine elephant tusk ivory, inlaid in gold, and are filled with naturally mummified panda embryos.
... Halfway through 'Copa Cabana', members of the audience were weeping.
[LOBO]
As previously discussed in a post named Zen,
Ethan owns a small orphanage in Newark.I manage it.
... As successful entrepreneurs, we feel it's important to give back to the community.
So when we were invited to the awards ceremony to celebrate our nomination for "Most Profitable Orphanage of the Year" we thought Oh cool, a free meal!
Tricking me to get there an hour before the food was served made me cranky. I mean I'm already a notable benefit to the community and enormous asset to the Nation; there's no need to drag me out to some ceremony where billionaire hot chicks can just plot and plan for me to be their "arm candy" like I'm just some piece of meat. I don't need affirmation, thank you; I get enormous satisfaction out just simply helping out those poor kids and turning out an untaxable $420,000 in annual profit.
Once inside, my ears were instantly assaulted by a live samba band in the lobby, afflicting the dense crowd of aristocrats with a horrific, offbeat stabbing sound.
--The maraca player was either drunk, or a completely ill-timed incompetent idiot.
Instantly grabbing a champaign bottle by the neck, I shatter it on a nearby marble statue and rush the stage so I can plunge the glistening, jagged edges deeply into the bastards throat. "You butcher!" I scream. You don't shake maracas, you blend maracas!"
While security held me back at first, the crowd had already turned on the inept hack; I was soon rushed up to try and rescue the performance. The lead singer tried to hand me his beastly maracas, and I almost reflexively spat on them. It was then I opened my briefcase and cried into the microphones, "Behold!"
As the lead singer's eyes adjusted to the glowing light, his jaw dropped.
I unsecured my maracas from the inside of the case.
They are hand carved from genuine elephant tusk ivory, inlaid in gold, and are filled with naturally mummified panda embryos.
... Halfway through 'Copa Cabana', members of the audience were weeping.
Friday
Steve Fosset Searchers Find 200 Other Crash Sites
Predator Press
[LOBO]
According to CNN, the search for Steve Fossett may provide clues to 200 other lost crash sites.
First let me say that in the unlikely I ever disappear in an airplane, dont fuck around: get those guys to look for me.
But at 200 people per, my calculatrons indicate that by losing a mere 117 more millionaires more we could solve the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle once and for all.
I'm recommending Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie for starters.
... Wouldn't it make for a kickass reunion episode of "The Simple Life"?
[LOBO]According to CNN, the search for Steve Fossett may provide clues to 200 other lost crash sites.
First let me say that in the unlikely I ever disappear in an airplane, dont fuck around: get those guys to look for me.
But at 200 people per, my calculatrons indicate that by losing a mere 117 more millionaires more we could solve the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle once and for all.
I'm recommending Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie for starters.
... Wouldn't it make for a kickass reunion episode of "The Simple Life"?
Who Knew?
Predator Press
"Well, I was surprised," says General Peter Pace. "Weren't you surprised? I was totally surprised. Who knew those ingrates would be pissed we blasted their godless sand into Freedom Dust? What a bunch of jerks!"
Tuesday
Tagged
Predator Press
[LOBO]
As a kid, I ground literally thousands of games of "Tag" to a standstill. Once after being designated "It", I got on a bus to O'Hare Airport and tagged a poor unsuspecting Japanese businessman boarding his flight home. He was pretty pissed, but I figure as long as I stay the hell out of Hamamatsu, I'll be fine.
My skill at Tag was surpassed only by my unrivalled savvy for Hide-and-Seek; I have never uttered the words "All-the-Outs-In-Free!". I'll bet well-concealed skeletons of children waiting for me to "find" them dot the Midwest like a map of Starbucks franchises to this day.
And I understand, trust me; millions and millions of readers everyday are faced with the Great Questions like Is there a God? and What is the Meaning of Life? and I wonder what makes LOBO tick? Who am I to deprive the masses as such? And as the first person in the history of Blogdome to have been twin-tagged, I must say up front that I will indeed rise to this superhuman task.
But only after a mammoth shitload of bitching.
Here are the rules:
1. Link to the blogger who tagged you,
2. List 8 random facts about yourself,
3. Tag 8 people, listing their names and linking to their blogs, and
4. Let them know they've been 'tagged'
by commenting on their blogs.
(Wait. Other people have blogs too?)
(... those bastards!)
***
1. Link to the blogger who tagged me.
That would be Olga, the Traveling Bra and Domestic Minx.
(Both of these sites are outrageous, well done, and guaranteed to get the unwary married guy struck from behind with a frying pan.)
2. List 8 random facts about myself.
a) I Will Destroy You at Super Mario Cart.
Period. I've had guys leave the field in a stretcher. I'll save that blue turtle shell the whole damn race if I gotta. And just as you're a mere inches from the finish line, KAPOW!!!
b) Two Years Ago the Domestic Minx Scratched 3 of the CDs I Loaned Her. Now They Skip Like Hell.
Blogging can be a cold, cruel and unjust universe sometimes. But as far as I know, that ruthless scourge upon humanity Terri Terri is still behind bars, and servin 9 consecutive life-sentences thanks to me.
I sleep like a baby knowin every day I'm doin the right thing.
4) I Have Two Eyes, Two Arms, Two Legs, and 57 Ankles.
I am paramount to Medical Science for study, and simultaneously very difficult to photograph.
It drives 'em nuts.
d) My Fave Band is the Foo Fighters.
They should all be dead by November.
9) I Have a Very Short Attention Span.
There. That's 10, right?
[LOBO]
As a kid, I ground literally thousands of games of "Tag" to a standstill. Once after being designated "It", I got on a bus to O'Hare Airport and tagged a poor unsuspecting Japanese businessman boarding his flight home. He was pretty pissed, but I figure as long as I stay the hell out of Hamamatsu, I'll be fine.My skill at Tag was surpassed only by my unrivalled savvy for Hide-and-Seek; I have never uttered the words "All-the-Outs-In-Free!". I'll bet well-concealed skeletons of children waiting for me to "find" them dot the Midwest like a map of Starbucks franchises to this day.
And I understand, trust me; millions and millions of readers everyday are faced with the Great Questions like Is there a God? and What is the Meaning of Life? and I wonder what makes LOBO tick? Who am I to deprive the masses as such? And as the first person in the history of Blogdome to have been twin-tagged, I must say up front that I will indeed rise to this superhuman task.
But only after a mammoth shitload of bitching.
Here are the rules:
2. List 8 random facts about yourself,
3. Tag 8 people, listing their names and linking to their blogs, and
4. Let them know they've been 'tagged'
by commenting on their blogs.
(Wait. Other people have blogs too?)
(... those bastards!)
***
1. Link to the blogger who tagged me.
That would be Olga, the Traveling Bra and Domestic Minx.
(Both of these sites are outrageous, well done, and guaranteed to get the unwary married guy struck from behind with a frying pan.)
2. List 8 random facts about myself.
a) I Will Destroy You at Super Mario Cart.
Period. I've had guys leave the field in a stretcher. I'll save that blue turtle shell the whole damn race if I gotta. And just as you're a mere inches from the finish line, KAPOW!!!
b) Two Years Ago the Domestic Minx Scratched 3 of the CDs I Loaned Her. Now They Skip Like Hell.
Blogging can be a cold, cruel and unjust universe sometimes. But as far as I know, that ruthless scourge upon humanity Terri Terri is still behind bars, and servin 9 consecutive life-sentences thanks to me.
I sleep like a baby knowin every day I'm doin the right thing.
4) I Have Two Eyes, Two Arms, Two Legs, and 57 Ankles.
I am paramount to Medical Science for study, and simultaneously very difficult to photograph.
It drives 'em nuts.
d) My Fave Band is the Foo Fighters.
They should all be dead by November.
9) I Have a Very Short Attention Span.
There. That's 10, right?
Monday
Britney Performance Irks Jealous, Catty Nation
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Can't I leave you people for one lousy week without screwing everything up?
If I knew you people were going to be such jerks, I never would have agreed to be Britney Spears' last-minute Choreographer, Costume Designer, Personal Trainer, Heineken Fetcher and Dietician in the first place.
Hey, who knew when you combine cheddar cheese and Dunkin Donuts you get bowel movements that make your back hurt? She's a trooper if you ask me: she owes me $42,084,054 and she's made a selfless scientific contribution to humankind.
So now --while simultaneously defending the entire planet Earth against the Great Zombie Omnocracy-- I've got all you people talking trash about perhaps the greatest musical talent since sliced bread.
You people should be ashamed of yourselves.
Seriously.
Thursday
Quick! Look Over There!
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Sorry we haven't posted for a few days; we took some time off in commemoration of Richard Jewell.
In the meantime, please click on the pic to check out some of our other fave sites!
[LOBO]
Sorry we haven't posted for a few days; we took some time off in commemoration of Richard Jewell.
In the meantime, please click on the pic to check out some of our other fave sites!
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LOBO - Predator Press My crimes of the past were acting out of impetuous, thoughtless passions. -My crime now is being a passive observer.
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Predator Press [LOBO] Yes it's totally true. There is now, in fact, a $14.95 Bionic Ear . And I'm not even going to g... -
LOBO - Predator Press "I can't believe the woman giving the MRI was flirting with you right in front of me ," Wendy growled....