Saturday

Replacing the Chick Magnet

Predator Press

[LOBO]


I told the people at Carmax.com that I wanted the hottest, coolest, fastest, girl-kissinest car that was ever made



After they ran my credit, they recommended the ANDYCAR XLS



The sales guy boasts this sporty compact has "immaculate interior, immeasurable mileage, and good, sturdy suspension".

Next Year In Review

Predator Press

[LOBO]

click image to ... uh ...
Ethan, drunk and on vacation in Cancun,
passes out cold with hats on backwards


[As a gag, we airbrushed out his muscles.]

Microsoft Triumphs Over crApple Once Again

Predator Press

[LOBO]

click image to enlarge

click image to enlarge

Friday

Crushed

Predator Press

[LOBO]


It has always been my lifelong ambition to one day become a guard at a women's prison.

And then I saw this.

I'm far too young and impressionable to have my dreams stomped on like that.

The freckled Red Menace must be stopped.

Thursday

Oh No

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Anna Nicole Smith holds distinctions other than those Playboy "articles" that I read and reread from 1992-1995, some of 1997, and 3 times in public in 2001.

(Cops in Memphis are pretty uptight.)

Well, I miss her, and it all seems a lot less funny now.

Thank God there’s always the Space Program.

[*sigh*]

Wow what a trip!

Predator Press

[Lady Pyrate]

Boarding the plane headed towards Pianosa I sat down in my seat, which happened to be right next to the exit door. The stewardess comes by to check to see if I had my seatbelt on then politely with a dead serious expression on her face asks me.

“In case of an emergency crash landing could you open the hatch and help get people off of the plane?”

Hesitating for only a brief 5 or 10 minutes I can’t quite remember it was all a blur I manage to say.

“Yes I can do that if I remember how to open the door and not frantically bang and claw on it while screaming Oh my fu#$% God trying to get out of this burning inferno, and if I am not horribly dismembered. Could you get me two bottles of Jack, 1 bottle of Rum, a cup of ice and hold the coke please, I am deathly afraid to fly on airplanes.”

Damn I hated giving up that window seat and you know she didn’t have to yank so hard. Needless to say the flight went well, no mishaps at all and I was good and sauced by the time we landed. This was the condition I was in the first time I laid eyes on LOBO and the infamous Chick Magnet.

It’s all true Ladies and whoever else is reading this, LOBO is an extremely good-looking, charming little devil, who kept me very busy :) and the Chick Magnet does exist in all its glory and splendor. I am so glad LOBO chose to pick me up in that instead of the original plan to get a luxury convertible rental car. He told me that if I was real good I could even take it for a spin around the block. I didn’t quite like the fact of being chased by hordes of horny women but hey it wasn’t that bad, a bit uncomfortable mind you but not bad. Except for that one chick who came running out of that adult bookstore towards the Magnet…well never mind no need to go into details you get the picture.

Finally meeting Ethan was incredible, I was mesmerized by his long flowing Fabio hair I just wanted to run my fingers through it, until he took his extensions out and handed them to me as a souvenir, which was a bit freaky but what a great color.

All in all you won’t meet a greater bunch of people in your life and I am so glad I did. Thank you LOBO and Ethan for making me feel so welcome…

Until Next Time

Wednesday

Next Year In Review

Predator Press


DESPITE GPA DIVE, PARIS HILTON'S
QUANTUM MECHANICS FOR DUMMIES
#1 BESTSELLER ON COLLEGE CAMPUSES


"Paris’ tawdry and sexualized behavior objectifies and therefore degrades all women," says pasty, pudgy, acne-riddled, Twinkie-scarfing, Starbucks-toting, hemp-wearing, hairy snaggltoothed gnarly-toed behemoth pooch protester.

Avast

Predator Press

[LOBO]

This past week has been pretty eventful.

We’ve upgraded to the “new” Blogger with rather mixed commentary … while indeed a little less “sketchy” connection-wise than the original (since they seem to have more-or-less abandoned it), having multiple authors operating out of the same email address appears impossible.

Unfortunately, getting separate email addresses for Cobe, Sapphire, Mr. Insanity, and DASH would’ve costed us like eight bucks a year ... and eight bucks a year is approximately 84% of the entire budget for 2007-2012.

Having fallen upon hard times, we are making the painful decisions necessary to carry on.

Please take the time to wish them all your luck and prayers as they are all subsequently going through some very tough times. And quit being such heartless jerks; it's -21 degrees outside. Have you no conscience?

Conversely I would like to thank LadyPyrate and officially welcome her to Predator Press. Not only does she have her own email address already, but she is one of our oldest and dearest collaborators, and one of my favorite people on Earth.

And were your feeble mortal eyes ever to actually see the cockpit of digitally-deviant, lethal technological terror she has devised for me, your unprepared retinas would reflexively drive deeply into your brain, spitting corrosive organic acids that would doubtlessly make you instantly insane.

Unfortunately we are no longer hiring.

Thursday

Weaponized Magenta

Predator Press

[LOBO]

The flame out I got from “anonymous” on 401k-9 last week struck me as really funny.

After years of mercilessly spoofing just about everything from sports, science, politicians, the handicapped, religion, ad nauseam, who “comes out swinging”?

Redheads.

Tuesday

Location, Location, Location



LOBO MOVES INTO
LAVISH NEW PAD



"It's cool, but the neighbors are all real assholes.

... Does anybody 'really' know what this button does?"