Space Rape


Predator Press

[LOBO]

This morning I flipped a cardboard box into the "Recycling" dumpster.

And in the brief span of time I saw triangular sun-illuminated dumpster contents, I saw like nine million twitching bees, all vertically lined up against the dumpster lining. And then the lid, as designed, shut by virtue of gravity.

"What the fuck?" I thought. "Jesus, that just looked like nine million twitching bees, all vertically lined up against the dumpster lining." Popping the dumpster back open, I thought "What the hell did I really see?"

It was at that exact moment that nine million pissed off bees attacked me.

But as you longtime Predator Press readers know, I am an honorary white-belt Master of the long-lost martial art form of Peking Duck: four or five bees stung my shirt, but I deftly locked myself in the trunk of my '74 Toyota Camry without a single sting to my actual flesh.

Still, I think all my neighbors are dead by now.

Comments

Stephanie Barr said…
Ironically or not, we got bees that wanted to take up residence in the eave of the house. May have noticed it (my daughter's pretty observant), but a bird swooped through her and the bees went freakin' nuts.

As I make no claims to manliness, or whatever trait is required to address bees head on, I called bee-type removers and had them deal with it.
LOBO said…
I don't know how different bees are from wasps, but you can hit a wasp nest directly with spray. Their wings absorb the oil -if they don't die from the poison directly, they are helpless to predators.

Jehovah's Witnesses are a little tougher to hide, so I just scare them off by answering the door naked.

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