Editorial: There Are Far Too Many Firemen

Predator Press

[LOBO]

People are always asking me, "LOBO, here on the precipice of fiscal disaster, how can America rekindle it's economy and simultaneously get out of staggering international debt?"

Well, I'm glad you asked me this.

See, the biggest problem America faces is money wasted fruitlessly by The Govenment due to sheer inertia.

Take the Fire Department, for instance. I mean Jesus, how many firemen do we really need?

Look around you. Do you see any fires?

We have to reexamine this from an efficiency standpoint: a perfect balance of fires and firemen means you should see one fire and one fireman fighting it at all times. Anything more is poor planning and flat out wasteful.

And to prove my theory, I started a few fires (in the glaring absence of any) and like fifty firemen showed up at every single one of them.

OMG!

I, for one, am sick to death of coddling this Liberal fraternity of do-nothings. These guys are so lazy, they have beds! Beds people! You read that correctly! When's the last time you saw an honest, hard-working truck driver with a bed where he works for instance? Or Emergency Room doctors? Hm? Does the guy making my French fries at Burger King pose for calendars and get naps while on the job?

No.

Why?

Because he's doing something important, god damn it!

Somewhere in this Great Nation, at this very moment, a fireman is snoozing away our future.

Clearly, there are far too many firemen milking on the teat of my hard-earned money, and this is just another Left Wing fiscal debacle. The time has come to face the readily available facts: we should get rid of the beds, cut our entire fire department staff down to a skeleton crew, and jazz up the lucky few left 24/7 with steroids and PCP instead.