'Hoarders' Episode Scrubbed Due to 'American Pickers' Visit
Predator Press
[LOBO]
This is going to be an entry in a 607,004.3-part series of things I don't understand about the human race.
Along with being tri-polar, I've further been diagnosed with pyromania, hypocondria, claustrophobia, necrophobia, xylophobia, spectrophobia, bolshephobia, agateophobia, phthiriophobia, syngenesophobia, coimetrophobia, sophophobia, virginitiphobia, agrophobia, russophobia, spacephobia, myrmecophobia, and phasmophobia.
But what might finally tip my handicapped parking placcard in is that I'm the world's only sufferer of cryohydrotachophobia: the fear of rogue icebergs. thus, it has become my sworn and sacred duty to protect myself from you assholes at all costs; the second I lower my guard, I just know you'll be sailing one of those evil glaciers -just dripping malaise and polar bears- right up the fucking Mississippi.
So when Mike Wolfe, Frank Fritz, and a cadre of History Channel producers and cameramen circled my dumpster, I was immediately upset.
Mike Wolfe: Hello, I’m Mike Wolfe.
Frank Fritz: And I’m Frank Fritz.
Mike Wolfe: And we are …
Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz in unison: American Pickers!
LOBO: You guys looking for aluminum cans or something?
Mike Wolfe: I see you have a Blackburn TPS-2
Frank Fritz: bicycle floor pump in your garbage.
LOBO: That’s actually not my garbage.
Mike Wolfe: First introduced in 2008, The Blackburn TPS-2 Bicycle Floor Pump is constructed with a burly steel barrel for maximum durability. This bicycle floor pump features a precision brass pressure gauge for reliability, as well as a new Presta/Schrader double-barrel head for added convenience. Blackburn's TPS-2 pump achieves a maximum pressure of 140psi, weighs 3.8 pounds, and comes with a limited lifetime warranty.
Frank Fritz: Would you consider selling it?
LOBO: That isn’t my garbage.
Mike Wolfe: I’ve gotta have it.
Frank Fritz: Would you take six dollars for it?
LOBO: But that isn’t my-
Mike Wolfe: Okay. How about eight dollars? It probably doesn’t even work.
LOBO: Sure. Whatever.
Mike Wolfe: Alright, eight dollars. [offers handshake]
LOBO: Eh, you guys were just digging through garbage.
Mike Wolfe: But it’s in garbage we find Americana such as this!
Frank Fritz: We’ll let you have it for $220.
LOBO: What? I don’t even own a bicycle.
[my cellophone rings]
LOBO: Hello?
Mike Wolfe: Hello LOBO? We just scored a farm-fresh Blackburn TPS-2 Bicycle Floor Pump, and knew you were, you know, into that sort of thing …
[LOBO]This is going to be an entry in a 607,004.3-part series of things I don't understand about the human race.
Along with being tri-polar, I've further been diagnosed with pyromania, hypocondria, claustrophobia, necrophobia, xylophobia, spectrophobia, bolshephobia, agateophobia, phthiriophobia, syngenesophobia, coimetrophobia, sophophobia, virginitiphobia, agrophobia, russophobia, spacephobia, myrmecophobia, and phasmophobia.
But what might finally tip my handicapped parking placcard in is that I'm the world's only sufferer of cryohydrotachophobia: the fear of rogue icebergs. thus, it has become my sworn and sacred duty to protect myself from you assholes at all costs; the second I lower my guard, I just know you'll be sailing one of those evil glaciers -just dripping malaise and polar bears- right up the fucking Mississippi.
So when Mike Wolfe, Frank Fritz, and a cadre of History Channel producers and cameramen circled my dumpster, I was immediately upset.
Mike Wolfe: Hello, I’m Mike Wolfe.
Frank Fritz: And I’m Frank Fritz.
Mike Wolfe: And we are …
Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz in unison: American Pickers!
LOBO: You guys looking for aluminum cans or something?
Mike Wolfe: I see you have a Blackburn TPS-2
Frank Fritz: bicycle floor pump in your garbage.LOBO: That’s actually not my garbage.
Mike Wolfe: First introduced in 2008, The Blackburn TPS-2 Bicycle Floor Pump is constructed with a burly steel barrel for maximum durability. This bicycle floor pump features a precision brass pressure gauge for reliability, as well as a new Presta/Schrader double-barrel head for added convenience. Blackburn's TPS-2 pump achieves a maximum pressure of 140psi, weighs 3.8 pounds, and comes with a limited lifetime warranty.
Frank Fritz: Would you consider selling it?
LOBO: That isn’t my garbage.
Mike Wolfe: I’ve gotta have it.
Frank Fritz: Would you take six dollars for it?
LOBO: But that isn’t my-
Mike Wolfe: Okay. How about eight dollars? It probably doesn’t even work.
LOBO: Sure. Whatever.
Mike Wolfe: Alright, eight dollars. [offers handshake]
LOBO: Eh, you guys were just digging through garbage.
Mike Wolfe: But it’s in garbage we find Americana such as this!Frank Fritz: We’ll let you have it for $220.
LOBO: What? I don’t even own a bicycle.
[my cellophone rings]
LOBO: Hello?
Mike Wolfe: Hello LOBO? We just scored a farm-fresh Blackburn TPS-2 Bicycle Floor Pump, and knew you were, you know, into that sort of thing …
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