Green

Predator Press

[LOBO]

“You’re kidding,” I says.

“Nope,” says the Butterbean kid. “All dead.”

“The Gooch killed all 2457 Gary Coleman clones?”

“It’s right here on CNN.” He flips through some screens. “Oh man some of these pictures are pretty horrifying.”

“It’s settled then,” I says. “The Gooch must die.”

“Is this another weird attempt at getting a book deal?”

“It’s the natural order!” I insist. “You have a great blog, you kill The Gooch, pow, book deal. That’ll teach that Starcasm to stop stealing my ideas.”

Butterbean shrugs. “I have a book deal.”

“You’re a liar,” I says.

“Nope,” the Butterbean kid says. “I got a C minus for my interviews of you, but Random House heard about ‘em somehow and offered me $100,000 for The Unofficial Biography of LOBO.”

“Did you get exclusive rights in case there’s a motion picture?”

“Check.”

“You bastard!”

“Terri’s home,” he points to the window.

“Look,” I says. “There’s no need to upset Terri with the news that I’m going to attempt to kill The Gooch.”

“Mum’s the word,” says Butterbean.

“And I know,” I continue, “that we haven’t known each other that long. But in this small span of time I feel that we've grown to be pretty close friends.”

Terri is working the front door lock with her keys.

“This is why I’ve decided I want you to have these,” I say ceremoniously.

“Wow!” says Butterbean. “The protective goggles you wear to eat M&Ms?”

“Take good care of ‘em kid,” I says. “There’s a good chance I won’t be needing them anymore.”

“But don’t you want to give these to your own kids?”

“Nah. I want ‘em to go to somebody I actually like.”

Terri throws open the front door.

“Honey,” she cries breathlessly, tossing her keys on the table. “I have the best news. I got a book deal!”