The Skittish Invasion

Predator Press

[LOBO]

The Butterbean kid and I step out of the courthouse, and into the cold and harsh-seeming sunlight.

He looks up from his notepad. “So you do this every day?”

“No,” I says. Squinting as my eyes adjust, I hold the paperwork over my eyes. “The only have these hearings once a week.”

As we descend the stairs, I spot the Unfinished Rambler getting into his car.

“Hey!” I yell complaining. “It’s only for 100 feet!”

“I know,” calls Unfinished Rambler. “It’s a typo. I’ll get the lawyers to correct it to 100 yards as soon as they can.”

As he drives off I give him an informal salute, and me and Butterbean head down for my own car.

Butterbean is leafing through his notes. “So your plan is,” he restates, “to get everyone to take out a temporary restraining order on you so they have to move, therefore enabling you to keep the whole city for yourself?”

I unlock the back door. Pausing for a second, I kiss the document for effect. “These things are like gold.” As I toss it in the car, Butterbean now realizes there are thousands of TROs piled back there.

He scowls thoughtfully. “But if they are taking out restraining orders on you, wouldn’t that mean you have to move?”

I look at him, and then the documents.

And then back at him.

“Of course not!” I says climbing into the driver’s seat. “Look. You’re just a dumb kid. These legislative matters are very complex.”

"You told the judge her hair looks like three cats fighting."

"Chicks dig compliments," I says starting the car. "And it was far and away the coolest hair I've ever seen."

He swings the seatbelt around his rather impressive girth. “Where are we going now?”

I turn to size up the mountains of paperwork.

“Someplace to get a lot of Liquid Paper.”