Predator Press
[LOBO]
Once again, Predator Press scienticians have stepped up, and -at no small expense to you- decided to settle the burning age-old question on everyone’s mind: What Ever Happened to Quicksand?
You remember ... One could barely get through a half an hour of television without some poor slob stumbling upon his buddy's safari hat laying mysteriously on the ground. Then he or she goes to pick it up, and the horror ensues -it’s quicksand!
I remember being taught about quicksand by no less than three teachers during the brief debacle of my adolescent education. They all conflicted with each other too. “Don’t struggle,” one said. “Lay flat and roll out,” said another. -Clearly even back then this enigmatic sedentary evil was barely understood. Of course, this was in the same day and age they taught us to curl up in a hallway in case of aerial bombings, and hide under our desks during nuclear blasts.I hate to say it, but the Predator Press scienticians really let me down this time. All they did was gorge Dominoes pizza, play World of Warcraft, and work on their MySpace pages until "Enlarge Your Penis" SPAM beguiled them into downloading crippling viruses via porn.
Obviously the Great Mystery of Quicksand is beyond the feeble understanding of even the greatest minds of our time. Still, we here at Predator Press remain hopeful that perhaps one day Humanity will learn to communicate with this, the most misunderstood, secretive, and voracious of Nature’s killers.But until then, we’re hoping you all will start wearing big, buoyant hats.
12 comments:
I stole that last image from a very cool site called Funny Animal Photos. Please check it out so they don't sue!
I always wear snow shoes when I encounter the deadly stew! You can still get swallowed, but the dying is more entertaining when you have time to realize just how fucking stupid you are for standing in the middle of a hole full of quicksand with snowshoes on!
Seriously, what happened to quicksand? It's liek the John Travolta of nature. BTW...that sinking cat pick killed me.
wow! I thought I was the only one who put quicksand in the catbox.
Don: LOL! You might think maybe those kiddie water wings would have a similar effect ... you survive, but is the humiliation of being found with them on worth it?
AK: I was surfing for Photoshop fodder and couldn't improve on that. It's one of those "dammit I wish I wuld've done that first" things. The site (plugged above) is pretty cool and worth a look.
CB: It's more humane than broken glass and salt (but not by much)
:)
By the time I get here all the cool stuff has already been said. So I guess I'll just say I second the motion to all the above. (Like I could really think of anything cool to say)
I think Gilligan, Tony and Angela, and the gang at Cheers all had run-ins with quicksand at one point. Why have we not seen this on LOST or 24 is beyond me....
Now that the Battlestar Galactica crew and the Cylons have found earth, maybe they'll run into some quicksand.
Communicate? Are you crazy?! There's no reasoning with that heartless bastard quicksand.
papercages: This was one I've had stewing in the back of my head for a while. I'm glad you liked it! :)
Munch: Lost or 24? I want quicksand on shows people watch. Like TMZ and Oprah!
Skip: Ouch! (please don't tell anyone I watch that show too ... but if they don't stop smoochin' break out some goddamned shiny robots shooting stuff, I'm writing Congress!)
Jeff: In this "politically correct" day and age, I respect your raw courage and integrity for speaking your mind against this obvious scourge.
Truth be told, I've poured more bags of concrete into those things than I'm willing to admit ...
:)
Oh, man.
Quicksand terrified me as a kid. The image of someone's screaming head slowly disappearing into the mysterious goo.
What DID happen to quicksand? I hope it's gone forever. I hate it.
JD at I Do Things
It's out there - Alone the Red River TX/OK and Lake Lewisville near Dallas... In the thick stuff, don't struggle - in the runny stuff lay back and float... and in both: PANIC! It is terifying the first time you fall in it, but after about 1-2 minutes, it's the funniest thing ever as you watch the goof try to wallow out... there is no graceful way to do it... you have to get dirty!
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