The Power of Cripes Compels You
Predator Press
[LOBO]
"Sir," says Natalie, scowling into her computer screen. "This is the sixteenth time you've called."
"I'm hoping for an update."
"Nothing has changed in the last eight minutes."
"A lot can happen in eight minutes. I can make eight completely different batches of rice in eight minutes."
"I understand that sir-"
"Miss, I don't think you do understand. I have no electricity, and millions and millions of readers are waiting anxiously for me to post today. Do you want to be responsible for what could happen if I don't?"
Natalie leans back in her chair exasperated. "Sir, there were three confirmed tornado touchdowns in your area."
[audible sigh] "Of the thousands of electric company customer service representatives, how do I happen to get the one that isn't a Predator Press reader? I debunked tornados weeks ago!"
"Sir-"
"Maybe next you can tell me the story of how Bigfoot and the Tooth Fairy are to blame!"
"We've got 200,000 other people out of power as well," she says twirling the phone cord in her fingers absently. "And you are accounting for half our phone traffic."
"Well this is important. In my absence, who will protect my readers from internet marketers, Forex associates, alien invaders, SEO optimization, shark attacks, Olestra, scams from Nauru, mad cow disease, zombie uprisings and tofu? Who?"
"Brent Diggs maybe?"
"Hiatus."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Is it because his power got shut off? I can switch the grid and have him back up in five minutes."
"I knew it! How come you can't do that for me?"
"Sir, your problems are far more serious."
"It's sweltering hot in here, and my refrigerator doesn't work," I add. "And what the hell am I supposed to do with all this rice?"
She plucks at the keyboard. "Our technicians are working around the clock to restore your power. The current esimated time of repair is ..."
"Yes?"
"Huh," says Natalie, leaning into her screen. "That's strange. I'm showing your power was only out for twenty minutes."
"Twenty minutes? It's been nine hours."
"Did you flip your breaker switch?"
"Yes. I tried that right when it went out."
"Did you flip it back?"
"Of course I did."
Over the phone there's an audible click, followed by the sounds of a blaring stereo, three televisions on different stations, an air conditioner, two blenders and a microwave.
"Is there anything else I can do for you today sir?"
"Do you know how iPods work?"
[LOBO]"Sir," says Natalie, scowling into her computer screen. "This is the sixteenth time you've called."
"I'm hoping for an update."
"Nothing has changed in the last eight minutes."
"A lot can happen in eight minutes. I can make eight completely different batches of rice in eight minutes."
"I understand that sir-"
"Miss, I don't think you do understand. I have no electricity, and millions and millions of readers are waiting anxiously for me to post today. Do you want to be responsible for what could happen if I don't?"Natalie leans back in her chair exasperated. "Sir, there were three confirmed tornado touchdowns in your area."
[audible sigh] "Of the thousands of electric company customer service representatives, how do I happen to get the one that isn't a Predator Press reader? I debunked tornados weeks ago!"
"Sir-"
"Maybe next you can tell me the story of how Bigfoot and the Tooth Fairy are to blame!""We've got 200,000 other people out of power as well," she says twirling the phone cord in her fingers absently. "And you are accounting for half our phone traffic."
"Well this is important. In my absence, who will protect my readers from internet marketers, Forex associates, alien invaders, SEO optimization, shark attacks, Olestra, scams from Nauru, mad cow disease, zombie uprisings and tofu? Who?"
"Brent Diggs maybe?"
"Hiatus."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Is it because his power got shut off? I can switch the grid and have him back up in five minutes.""I knew it! How come you can't do that for me?"
"Sir, your problems are far more serious."
"It's sweltering hot in here, and my refrigerator doesn't work," I add. "And what the hell am I supposed to do with all this rice?"
She plucks at the keyboard. "Our technicians are working around the clock to restore your power. The current esimated time of repair is ..."
"Yes?"
"Huh," says Natalie, leaning into her screen. "That's strange. I'm showing your power was only out for twenty minutes."
"Twenty minutes? It's been nine hours."
"Did you flip your breaker switch?"
"Yes. I tried that right when it went out."
"Did you flip it back?""Of course I did."
Over the phone there's an audible click, followed by the sounds of a blaring stereo, three televisions on different stations, an air conditioner, two blenders and a microwave.
"Is there anything else I can do for you today sir?"
"Do you know how iPods work?"
Comments
Glad all is okay.
BTW, if you find out about iPods, send the info on please!
I was about to give up on ya!
It's sooo messed up! I live just a few blocks from you and have been complaining that my place has been too cold when I get home lately.....funny how the world works. :)
I would have been more than happy to run an extension cord to your place.....just ask next time.
Dan
Eat a lot of that, do you?
Welcome back.
Let me know when you figure out the iPods.
As far as the iPod--I have people who do that for me.
...it's ALWAYS their fault.
welcome back.