Postal
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Being captured by millions of bug-eating naked women isn't nearly as fun as it sounds.
But I'm bound to my coveted cool sparkly rock at the top of the plateau, so it's not a total loss.
A thundering black vehicle lazily circles the dark sky above me. As it drifts slowly closer, I can make out the vanity plate. It reads: "SANTA'S SLAYER".
"LOBO!" a voice booms down. "YOUR FREINDS HAVE ABANDONED YOU." A pause. "PLUS YOU LOST YOUR DENTAL PLAN."
"Stay away from my rock!" I says defiantly.
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE POWER OF THE LIGHT SIDE", the voice says.
"I'll never join you!" I says.
"WE MAIL OFF REBATES AND ACTUALLY GET THE MONEY BACK."
"Mail?" I spit.
A pause.
"WELL," says Kringle over the megaphone, "I WAS HOPING IT WOULDN'T COME TO THIS."
"Do your worst," says me.
"ARE YOU SURE?"
"No," I says. "Do I have to wear a uniform? Or sit in an office with a guy that farts a lot?"
Another pause.
"MAYBE".
"Fuck off!" I says.
"IT'S A PRETTY COOL UNIFORM REALLY. VERY MILITARY."
"What color is it?"
"I GUESS IT'S A TAUPE."
"What the fuck is a 'taupe'?"
"IT'S A KIND OF DUSKY BROWNISH-GREY, I SUPPOSE."
"What are you people hiding in? Shit?"
Suddenly, the whole sky is filled by the mighty dragon Scraps. Leathery wings flapping, they rhythmically obliterate the horizon.
I can hear the explosive sound of his wings, his breathing.
An eye the size of a billboard is mere meters from my face.
My bowels voided.
"Nice going, dumbass!" I yell. "What color is clean underwear in this dimension?"
[LOBO]
Being captured by millions of bug-eating naked women isn't nearly as fun as it sounds.
But I'm bound to my coveted cool sparkly rock at the top of the plateau, so it's not a total loss.
A thundering black vehicle lazily circles the dark sky above me. As it drifts slowly closer, I can make out the vanity plate. It reads: "SANTA'S SLAYER".
"LOBO!" a voice booms down. "YOUR FREINDS HAVE ABANDONED YOU." A pause. "PLUS YOU LOST YOUR DENTAL PLAN."
"Stay away from my rock!" I says defiantly.
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE POWER OF THE LIGHT SIDE", the voice says.
"I'll never join you!" I says.
"WE MAIL OFF REBATES AND ACTUALLY GET THE MONEY BACK."
"Mail?" I spit.
A pause.
"WELL," says Kringle over the megaphone, "I WAS HOPING IT WOULDN'T COME TO THIS."
"Do your worst," says me.
"ARE YOU SURE?"
"No," I says. "Do I have to wear a uniform? Or sit in an office with a guy that farts a lot?"
Another pause.
"MAYBE".
"Fuck off!" I says.
"IT'S A PRETTY COOL UNIFORM REALLY. VERY MILITARY."
"What color is it?"
"I GUESS IT'S A TAUPE."
"What the fuck is a 'taupe'?"
"IT'S A KIND OF DUSKY BROWNISH-GREY, I SUPPOSE."
"What are you people hiding in? Shit?"
Suddenly, the whole sky is filled by the mighty dragon Scraps. Leathery wings flapping, they rhythmically obliterate the horizon.
I can hear the explosive sound of his wings, his breathing.
An eye the size of a billboard is mere meters from my face.
My bowels voided.
"Nice going, dumbass!" I yell. "What color is clean underwear in this dimension?"
Comments