All Pressed Up
Predator Press
[LOBO]
I didn't take it personally.
But when I saw the headlines of The Washington Post, it made me really mad.
"LOBO=DUMBASS" was not only a personal and unprofessional dig, but I felt it was an insult to all of our millions and millions of readers around the globe.
And to our readers in other countries, too.
Woe to thee, Washington Post, a once great and creditable resource of information ... how far the mighty have fallen, to stoop to the level of pandering mere tawdry tabloids, pig-piling onto Predator Press with that other Wall-thingy newspaper's tripe!
I tried to book a flight to Seattle so's I could kick your ass good and proper, but the ticket agent --obviously a reader of your slanderous filth and boldfaced lies--mocked me, insisting it was the wrong Washington. As if with only 52 states, they would name two of them the same thing!? This asshole has obviously greatly misjudged my brutal, insatiable wrath and enormous, radiant brainiosity, and I'm reluctant to have such an inferior intellect handling my travel plans.
But fear not, o loyal reader ... ultimately, I outsmarted him.
I booked a flight to Spokane instead.
And just so you know how serious I really am, I just bought the super giant colossal diesel-powered Neopet 3000 --the Urban Assault model-- custom-fitted with stainless steel flesh-ripping teeth, rocket launchers, lethal poison-tipped claws, several fine mesh screens to squeeze your wet, sloppy vital organs through, and the optional cup holder. It's going to rip your terrified eyeballs out through your panic-stricken armpits!
... It sure seemed a lot bigger in the pictures, though ...
[LOBO]
I didn't take it personally.
But when I saw the headlines of The Washington Post, it made me really mad.
"LOBO=DUMBASS" was not only a personal and unprofessional dig, but I felt it was an insult to all of our millions and millions of readers around the globe.
And to our readers in other countries, too.
Woe to thee, Washington Post, a once great and creditable resource of information ... how far the mighty have fallen, to stoop to the level of pandering mere tawdry tabloids, pig-piling onto Predator Press with that other Wall-thingy newspaper's tripe!
I tried to book a flight to Seattle so's I could kick your ass good and proper, but the ticket agent --obviously a reader of your slanderous filth and boldfaced lies--mocked me, insisting it was the wrong Washington. As if with only 52 states, they would name two of them the same thing!? This asshole has obviously greatly misjudged my brutal, insatiable wrath and enormous, radiant brainiosity, and I'm reluctant to have such an inferior intellect handling my travel plans.
But fear not, o loyal reader ... ultimately, I outsmarted him.
I booked a flight to Spokane instead.
And just so you know how serious I really am, I just bought the super giant colossal diesel-powered Neopet 3000 --the Urban Assault model-- custom-fitted with stainless steel flesh-ripping teeth, rocket launchers, lethal poison-tipped claws, several fine mesh screens to squeeze your wet, sloppy vital organs through, and the optional cup holder. It's going to rip your terrified eyeballs out through your panic-stricken armpits!
... It sure seemed a lot bigger in the pictures, though ...
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