Smartbomb
Predator Press
[Mr. I]
Kringle’s compound, while formidable, was no match for RDO’s advanced technology; still, Sapphire had the Alpha Scrambler to contend with.
“What’s that?” asked LOBO, exhausted from punching women and children. He was munching on animal crackers, and had a peculiar habit of eating only the heads and discarding the decapitated cookies all over the ship.
“The Alpha Scrambler is a wave transmitted by satellite that makes smart people stupid,” replied Sapphire.
“Like the Rush Limbaugh show?”
“Exactly.”
Thinking hard, Sapphire put her fingers to her lips. “I’m an android, so I’ll be immune. But I can’t do this alone. If the smarter you are the more susceptible you are, I’ll have to be careful who goes on the ground assault.” As she surveyed the available personnel her eyes fell on LOBO, who was scratching off lottery tickets on the navigation terminal with a quarter.
“You’re in,” she stated flatly.
“Wha--?”
“Yes. I’m going to rush the fat man. You have to disengage the scrambler and save our friends as they dangle precariously over the zinc smelter.”
“Uh, Sapphire, I think you’ve got the wrong guy. I’m no hero. I mean I look great in a muscle shirt, true. But trust me … this body hasn’t seen a muscle since I was raped by Grace Jones. Besides, I think these animal crackers are starting to kick in--“
Sapphire emerged from the Daisy Mae firing her shotgun one handed, dragging LOBO by his ear with the other.
"But we can make new friends!" he sobbed.
***
LOBO followed the big arrows that read “SUPER SECRET COMPUTER DEFENSE SYSTEMS”, and arrived at a computer terminal. On the screen was an alphabetical list of names starting with the letter O. Skimming it quickly, the only name he recognized was Jimmy Orlando. Opposite his name was a column marked 'Nice', and beyond that was another column, curiously marked "EXCLAIMER".
"What the hell is an ‘EXCLAIMER’?" he wondered aloud, absently grabbing another animal cracker. Looking at the cookie, he realized it was half a seal.
Uh oh, he thought, examining the label on the bag.
It read: “DO NOT EAT IF SEAL IS BROKEN.”
[Mr. I]
Kringle’s compound, while formidable, was no match for RDO’s advanced technology; still, Sapphire had the Alpha Scrambler to contend with.
“What’s that?” asked LOBO, exhausted from punching women and children. He was munching on animal crackers, and had a peculiar habit of eating only the heads and discarding the decapitated cookies all over the ship.
“The Alpha Scrambler is a wave transmitted by satellite that makes smart people stupid,” replied Sapphire.
“Like the Rush Limbaugh show?”
“Exactly.”
Thinking hard, Sapphire put her fingers to her lips. “I’m an android, so I’ll be immune. But I can’t do this alone. If the smarter you are the more susceptible you are, I’ll have to be careful who goes on the ground assault.” As she surveyed the available personnel her eyes fell on LOBO, who was scratching off lottery tickets on the navigation terminal with a quarter.
“You’re in,” she stated flatly.
“Wha--?”
“Yes. I’m going to rush the fat man. You have to disengage the scrambler and save our friends as they dangle precariously over the zinc smelter.”
“Uh, Sapphire, I think you’ve got the wrong guy. I’m no hero. I mean I look great in a muscle shirt, true. But trust me … this body hasn’t seen a muscle since I was raped by Grace Jones. Besides, I think these animal crackers are starting to kick in--“
Sapphire emerged from the Daisy Mae firing her shotgun one handed, dragging LOBO by his ear with the other.
"But we can make new friends!" he sobbed.
LOBO followed the big arrows that read “SUPER SECRET COMPUTER DEFENSE SYSTEMS”, and arrived at a computer terminal. On the screen was an alphabetical list of names starting with the letter O. Skimming it quickly, the only name he recognized was Jimmy Orlando. Opposite his name was a column marked 'Nice', and beyond that was another column, curiously marked "EXCLAIMER".
"What the hell is an ‘EXCLAIMER’?" he wondered aloud, absently grabbing another animal cracker. Looking at the cookie, he realized it was half a seal.
Uh oh, he thought, examining the label on the bag.
It read: “DO NOT EAT IF SEAL IS BROKEN.”
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