Hangin Tough
Predator Press
[Mr. I]
Legless Jim and I took charge of the barren Wal-Mart, and we immediately put the Greeters to work melting down the snow shovels and Twizzlers so we had some raw material to start a rather ambitious manufacturing project.
With China destroyed, there were no crappy electronics, cheap sneakers or horrible clothes to be bought; as a result, trailer parks were burning nationwide due to angry, naked, barefoot people with pit bulls.
We never even noticed that Sapphire was missing.
***
The Robot Dinosaur Overlord supervised his minion’s repairs personally.
“WHAT’S HER STATUS?” he asked.
“Well, she took some pretty nasty hits,” the tech surmised. “I’m seeing damage consistent with massive collisions, grenades ….”
RDO scratched his chin. “IT SEEMS WE UNDERESTIMATED THE HUMAN CAPACITY FOR VIOLENCE.”
“We may never know for sure, sir. Between the damage sustained and the various upgrades, it’s unlikely she will have much memory of what actually occurred.”
“WELL, I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO TESTING THE NEW WEAPONRY.” He reached behind Sapphire, and flipped the “on” switch.
“What is thy bidding, my Master?” she smiled demurely.
“THE IMMEDIATE EXTERMINATION OF OUR PRISONER, MAXIMILLIAN.”
“Sir,” interrupted the tech. “This will be in clear violation of our treaty with the Student Loan people and the Zombies.”
“I HAVE SOUGHT THIS TRAITOR FOR YEARS. MY INTERROGATION SPECIALISTS HAVE ALREADY DESTROYED HIS MIND. AS WE ARE ALREADY IN VIOLATION OF THE TREATY, THE PRISONER MUST DIE.”
Sapphire stood and checked the ammunition of her Winchester 12 gauge semi-automatic shotgun. The magazine full, she cocked the weapon one handed, smiling.
“As you wish.”
***
Donnie, Joey, Jordan, Danny, and Jonathan ... and Joey and, uh, Danny --the ‘Interrogation Specialists’—had truly outdone themselves. The prisoner was broken within hours by extreme exposure to The New Kids on the Block performing live, and 80,000 coupons for Bed, Bath and Beyond.
After a few days, he was even singing along with them.
RDO and Sapphire entered the room as the group practiced their choreography:
“Just get on the floor and do the New Kids dance
Don’t worry about nothing cause it won’t take long
We’re gonna put you in a trance with the funky song
Cause you gotta be... “
Drooling, a shattered LOBO sang along during the chorus in a pirouette inhibited by heavy chains.
“Hangin’ tough,
singin tough,
we’re rough,
Oh, oh, oh, oh--”
Sapphire shrieked in utter horror. “Oh my God!” she cried. “That’s not Max, that’s LOBO!
RDO turned and yelled over his shoulder.
”GODDAMNIT ERIC!”
Hands freed, a wild-eyed LOBO spat foam as he grabbed Sapphire’s lapel.
“Please,” he begged in a raspy whisper.
“Take me … to … Banana … Republic ….”
[Mr. I]
Legless Jim and I took charge of the barren Wal-Mart, and we immediately put the Greeters to work melting down the snow shovels and Twizzlers so we had some raw material to start a rather ambitious manufacturing project.
With China destroyed, there were no crappy electronics, cheap sneakers or horrible clothes to be bought; as a result, trailer parks were burning nationwide due to angry, naked, barefoot people with pit bulls.
We never even noticed that Sapphire was missing.
The Robot Dinosaur Overlord supervised his minion’s repairs personally.
“WHAT’S HER STATUS?” he asked.
“Well, she took some pretty nasty hits,” the tech surmised. “I’m seeing damage consistent with massive collisions, grenades ….”
RDO scratched his chin. “IT SEEMS WE UNDERESTIMATED THE HUMAN CAPACITY FOR VIOLENCE.”
“We may never know for sure, sir. Between the damage sustained and the various upgrades, it’s unlikely she will have much memory of what actually occurred.”
“WELL, I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO TESTING THE NEW WEAPONRY.” He reached behind Sapphire, and flipped the “on” switch.
“What is thy bidding, my Master?” she smiled demurely.
“THE IMMEDIATE EXTERMINATION OF OUR PRISONER, MAXIMILLIAN.”
“Sir,” interrupted the tech. “This will be in clear violation of our treaty with the Student Loan people and the Zombies.”
“I HAVE SOUGHT THIS TRAITOR FOR YEARS. MY INTERROGATION SPECIALISTS HAVE ALREADY DESTROYED HIS MIND. AS WE ARE ALREADY IN VIOLATION OF THE TREATY, THE PRISONER MUST DIE.”
Sapphire stood and checked the ammunition of her Winchester 12 gauge semi-automatic shotgun. The magazine full, she cocked the weapon one handed, smiling.
“As you wish.”
Donnie, Joey, Jordan, Danny, and Jonathan ... and Joey and, uh, Danny --the ‘Interrogation Specialists’—had truly outdone themselves. The prisoner was broken within hours by extreme exposure to The New Kids on the Block performing live, and 80,000 coupons for Bed, Bath and Beyond.
After a few days, he was even singing along with them.
RDO and Sapphire entered the room as the group practiced their choreography:
Don’t worry about nothing cause it won’t take long
We’re gonna put you in a trance with the funky song
Cause you gotta be... “
Drooling, a shattered LOBO sang along during the chorus in a pirouette inhibited by heavy chains.
singin tough,
we’re rough,
Oh, oh, oh, oh--”
RDO turned and yelled over his shoulder.
”GODDAMNIT ERIC!”
Hands freed, a wild-eyed LOBO spat foam as he grabbed Sapphire’s lapel.
“Please,” he begged in a raspy whisper.
“Take me … to … Banana … Republic ….”
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