Monday

Arlen Specter Defects to Left!

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Having recently become hotly critical if the Republican Party myself, I’m not particularly shocked that after a lifetime of right-wing policies Arlen Spector has abandoned that bunch of assholes once Predator Press demanded it.

-But didn’t this bastard kill Barbarella?

I don’t know. While impressive, killing the herione credited with rescuing Doctor Durand Durand from the planet SoGo seems to me to be an indellible black mark on your record no matter which side of the political fence you’re on.

But you gotta give it up for that hair.

Seriously.


Saturday

Tomb of Cleopatra Discovered!

Predator Press

[LOBO]

I'm laughing at this idea too hard to actually write it.

-The best suitable story for this entered in "comments" will be republished with full credit to the guest writer.

:)

Friday

Richard Marks

Predator Press

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Mister Cheney, after 33 waterboardings I doubt Zubaydah is going to tell us anything at all. I recommend halting this procedure due to it's ineffectiveness.

-Also, Starbucks discontinued "Blended Lemonade" earlier this year.

Would you like to order something else?


Thursday

Finally!



Predator Press

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I’m so jazzed. According to CNN, my all-time favorite filmaker Spike Lee is introducing two new films at the 2009 Tribeca Film Festival!

I wonder what they will be about.



Wednesday

I've Already Repented, So God And I Are Cool On This

Predator Press

[LOBO]

I’m a news junkie I guess. While surfing, I’ll have my television running CNN or MSNBC or whatever in the background, and news ticker widgets a go-go feeding me “headlines.”

And I would like to think the only reason I even heard Miss California Carrie Prejean’s remarks on same-sex marriage is because it’s kind of a “local story.”

But here I am.

In short, during the course of the Miss USA pageant she was asked her opinion and –oops- she gave it.

While I didn’t agree with her, it wasn’t some frothing hostile rant. Frankly, considering the -ahem- "forum," it was well-articulated. It was the kind of thing you might hear and shrug, “Well, I don’t think anyone is going to be changing her mind on it soon,” and that would be that.

Also worth mentioning perhaps is that I don’t have any particular stake in her opinions, and maybe that makes me a little less sensitive than I should be: my evolving a profound social view based on a teenage beauty queen’s insights is about as unlikely as me becoming gay myself (and based on this logic, were I ever to attempt watching a Miss USA Pageant I doubt I would even have the volume up).

But while disagreeing with what she said, I think -eh- editorials like Perez Hilton's aren't warranted. (-And wow has Hilton let herself go since "The Simple Life." Woof!) Still, the subsequent national freak out does intrigue me: it would appear this issue won't be back-burnered for much longer.

People are getting pissed.

So why do people oppose same sex marriage? Is it homophobia? What exactly are these so-called “straight” people so afraid of? Do they think well-catered Oscars parties will just spontaneously explode in their newly redecorated living rooms?

You have to look at the religious aspect with some skepticism too. Look if blowing up busloads of people because your mystical boogeyman doesn’t like their mystical boogeyman sounds rational, maybe that's your bag. Go crazy. Knock yourself out. If you can't find a dead chicken to wave over your television, I'm sure a can of Campbell's Chunky Chicken Noodle will do.

But why should the Government care what sex you are? -Especially one so deeply ensconced in nifty buzzwords like “Freedom”?

I wouldn't be so blunt, but the Religious Right treats these people like livestock: we should take the gender questions off of marriage licenses so the churches can go fight their own battles. Let's give the issue back to the people maintaining “Liberty” from of one side of their mouths and supporting persecution from the other.

-This isn't my problem, Miss Prejean.

It's yours.


Tuesday

Ghost of a Chance

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Okay. Maybe calling in The Atlantic Paranormal Society (TAPS) on my first day as Director of Psychiatry wasn’t such a good idea. But how often am I going to have full access to an asylum? You’ll never get anywhere in life if you don’t take some chances every now and then.

-Besides if the place is haunted, those poor crazy people have a right to know.

Monday

When All Else Fails

Predator Press

[LOBO]

“I told you to stop applying for psychiatrist jobs!” says Terri, scowling into my CareerBuilder account.

“It’s not just any psychiatrist job.” I explain. “It’s Director of Psychiatry. I would run, like, a fleet of psychiatrists. Those cats make like $250,000 a year.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“How hard could it be?” I shrug. “I carry around a clipboard, and make all the patients in my asylum smoke cannabis while listening to old Beatles records. Hell people will be trying to break in.”

“You’re not qualified!

“I get my second interview tomorrow.”

“Really?”