[LOBO]
While arresting boozy, brawling, drug-addled former country music stars is 'par for the course', having one in custody that can make her own bail defies all known modern history."I was totally floored," says Sheriff Jason Alden of the Lee County Sheriff's office. "I mean, rap stars yes. Rap artists share a special kind of camaraderie when it comes to incarceration, and often leave VISAs and 'bling' hidden in the cells so their rivals can be quickly freed and more easily shot at."
He showed us a manila folder.
It's obviously true.
"But Country music artists have a long history of getting raped by record companies," he continues, "and continuing on to boondoggle investment strategies involving precious rhinestones and impractical head and footwear. When I found out Mindy McCready had a Grand just laying around, I was completely mystified."
The fact that Mindy McReady had 'raised the bar' came with mixed reviews from the country artist community as a whole. "Just as soon as we get trucks, booze, beer, whiskey, boots, cheatin', divorce, IRS, taxes, John Deere, jobs 'an Jesus all rhymed up," says one fan, "she's gone and thowed in words like 'recognizance'. Ain't nothing gonna rhyme with recognizance. This is the worst thing to happen to the Marlboro Man image since Willie Nelson's hair."
When asked if "cowpunchers" really punched cows, he replied, "Only if they look me in the eye."
