Predator Press
[LOBO]
There was a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“It’s me, Sapphire.”
“How do I know that—?“
“Look, just shut up and open the door!”
Sapphire enters.
She’s crying.
“Sapphire, what’s wrong?”
“Oh LOBO,” she sobs. “I really want to go to Twentynine Palms, California, but I don’t know how to get there!”
“Sapphire,” I says calmly. “I’ve got some trucker's 2004 Road Atlas right here under this tuna sandwich!”
“Really?” she says.
“Sure!” I says, handing her the maps. “Now have fun in California.”
God, I’m thinking. What would chicks do without me?
Monday
Bling
Predator Press
[Mr Insanity]
"Sir," says Sapphire, closing the door to Ethan's office behind her. "I know you've asked me to come so you can try to talk me out of nuking Pianosa, but in a matter of weeks, those cicadas will-"
"Talk you out of it?" says Ethan. "Are you kidding?"
"I don't understand," says Sapphire, taking the seat in front of the desk.
"LOBO just put a bunch of his crap art up on eBay. It's completely worthless. I can't believe he's got an 'AA' in Graphic Design from Denver Business College." Ethan pauses. "Still, if LOBO was dead ... "
"Oooooh," says Sapphire, slowly comprehending. "Okay."
"I'll give you ten percent."
"Deal."
Ethan swivels in his chair, facing the window. "Then I'll have two bags of money. I might even have to hire someone to hold my cigar!"
[Mr Insanity]
"Sir," says Sapphire, closing the door to Ethan's office behind her. "I know you've asked me to come so you can try to talk me out of nuking Pianosa, but in a matter of weeks, those cicadas will-"
"Talk you out of it?" says Ethan. "Are you kidding?"
"I don't understand," says Sapphire, taking the seat in front of the desk.
"LOBO just put a bunch of his crap art up on eBay. It's completely worthless. I can't believe he's got an 'AA' in Graphic Design from Denver Business College." Ethan pauses. "Still, if LOBO was dead ... "
"Oooooh," says Sapphire, slowly comprehending. "Okay."
"I'll give you ten percent."
"Deal."
Ethan swivels in his chair, facing the window. "Then I'll have two bags of money. I might even have to hire someone to hold my cigar!"
Boom
Predator Press
[LOBO]
I know that every time you people come to Predator Press and see our fine art, you’re thinking “Wow, I would certainly like to have that piece mounted over my fireplace. I wish there was a way I could buy it.”
Well now you can.
I’m selling my entire private collection on ebay!
CLICK HERE
[LOBO]
I know that every time you people come to Predator Press and see our fine art, you’re thinking “Wow, I would certainly like to have that piece mounted over my fireplace. I wish there was a way I could buy it.”
Well now you can.
I’m selling my entire private collection on ebay!
Sunday
Primer
Predator Press
[Mr Insanity]
Templeton -who had only narrowly escaped the garbage deposal- had affixed himself to the back of Phil's rabies tag.
There, Phil couldn't find him.
And LOBO -who always assumed the tag to be some sort of symbol of Phil's commitment to Jewish faith- was never willing to do anything that would be religiously intolerant; he chose only to read Bible passages too loudly as Phil slept, and occasionally squirting her with a Super-Soaker full of Holy water shouting 'The Power of Christ Compels You!'
But LOBO, a Catholic, had long since resigned himself to the fact that Phil was going to burn for eternity in the Lake of Fire at this point.
Attached firmly to a deadly predator owned by a complete idiot, and surrounded by millions of the horny and carnivorous man-eating Cicada Brood VIII, Templeton figured he was momentarily safe.
Until he intercepted Sapphire's transmission to RDO.
In order to save Humanity, she argued, they were going to have to nuke Pianosa into a crater.
And then nuke the crater.
And then airlift the crater over the Atlantic Ocean, and nuke it a few more times while dropping it in.
Templeton snuck a peak from behind Phil's collar. Having finally run out of 'Food Delivery' options in the Yellow Pages that were still answering the phone, LOBO was in the kitchen trying to boil one of my frozen pot pies.
Needless to say, it burst into flames.
Eh, Templeton figured, it was a good run.
[Mr Insanity]
Templeton -who had only narrowly escaped the garbage deposal- had affixed himself to the back of Phil's rabies tag.
There, Phil couldn't find him.
And LOBO -who always assumed the tag to be some sort of symbol of Phil's commitment to Jewish faith- was never willing to do anything that would be religiously intolerant; he chose only to read Bible passages too loudly as Phil slept, and occasionally squirting her with a Super-Soaker full of Holy water shouting 'The Power of Christ Compels You!'
But LOBO, a Catholic, had long since resigned himself to the fact that Phil was going to burn for eternity in the Lake of Fire at this point.
Attached firmly to a deadly predator owned by a complete idiot, and surrounded by millions of the horny and carnivorous man-eating Cicada Brood VIII, Templeton figured he was momentarily safe.
Until he intercepted Sapphire's transmission to RDO.
In order to save Humanity, she argued, they were going to have to nuke Pianosa into a crater.
And then nuke the crater.
And then airlift the crater over the Atlantic Ocean, and nuke it a few more times while dropping it in.
Templeton snuck a peak from behind Phil's collar. Having finally run out of 'Food Delivery' options in the Yellow Pages that were still answering the phone, LOBO was in the kitchen trying to boil one of my frozen pot pies.
Needless to say, it burst into flames.
Eh, Templeton figured, it was a good run.
Predator Press Revealed!
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Yes, 'o loyal reader!
As promised, today is the day I dispel this 'shroud of mystery' by releasing high-resolution pictures of the entire Predator Press staff!
Phoebe:
Sapphire:
Ethan:
Mr Insanity:
And 'Yours Truly':
[LOBO]
Yes, 'o loyal reader!
As promised, today is the day I dispel this 'shroud of mystery' by releasing high-resolution pictures of the entire Predator Press staff!
Phoebe:
Sapphire:
Ethan:
Mr Insanity:
And 'Yours Truly':
Friday
Chinese
Predator Press
[LOBO]
So where the heck is FEMA already?
Phil and I are alone in Mr Insanity's place, surrounded by millions of deadly, carnivorous, man-eating cicadas!
Sapphire abandoned us after a speech about "Needing to save humankind from certain destruction," or something. Ah, you know chicks ... 'blah, blah, blah blablah, blah'. I wasn't paying attention.
But while exploring my rather posh tomb, I found Mr Insanity's digital scanner. And since I'm not under adult supervision --as mandated by Illinois State Law I might add-- I've decided to publish pictures of the entire Predator Press staff tomorrow, myself included.
How dare these people flout Illinois State Law?
But that’s tomorrow. Right now I'm starving, and the jerk delivering my Chinese is 45 minutes late.
I think the cicadas got him.
That means in another 15 minutes, they are going to be pissed.
[LOBO]
So where the heck is FEMA already?
Phil and I are alone in Mr Insanity's place, surrounded by millions of deadly, carnivorous, man-eating cicadas!
Sapphire abandoned us after a speech about "Needing to save humankind from certain destruction," or something. Ah, you know chicks ... 'blah, blah, blah blablah, blah'. I wasn't paying attention.
But while exploring my rather posh tomb, I found Mr Insanity's digital scanner. And since I'm not under adult supervision --as mandated by Illinois State Law I might add-- I've decided to publish pictures of the entire Predator Press staff tomorrow, myself included.
How dare these people flout Illinois State Law?
But that’s tomorrow. Right now I'm starving, and the jerk delivering my Chinese is 45 minutes late.
I think the cicadas got him.
That means in another 15 minutes, they are going to be pissed.
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