Boom

Predator Press

[LOBO]

I know that every time you people come to Predator Press and see our fine art, you’re thinking “Wow, I would certainly like to have that piece mounted over my fireplace. I wish there was a way I could buy it.”

Well now you can.

I’m selling my entire private collection on ebay!

CLICK HERE

Booster

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Primer

Predator Press

[Mr Insanity]

Templeton -who had only narrowly escaped the garbage deposal- had affixed himself to the back of Phil's rabies tag.

There, Phil couldn't find him.

And LOBO -who always assumed the tag to be some sort of symbol of Phil's commitment to Jewish faith- was never willing to do anything that would be religiously intolerant; he chose only to read Bible passages too loudly as Phil slept, and occasionally squirting her with a Super-Soaker full of Holy water shouting 'The Power of Christ Compels You!'

But LOBO, a Catholic, had long since resigned himself to the fact that Phil was going to burn for eternity in the Lake of Fire at this point.

Attached firmly to a deadly predator owned by a complete idiot, and surrounded by millions of the horny and carnivorous man-eating Cicada Brood VIII, Templeton figured he was momentarily safe.

Until he intercepted Sapphire's transmission to RDO.

In order to save Humanity, she argued, they were going to have to nuke Pianosa into a crater.

And then nuke the crater.

And then airlift the crater over the Atlantic Ocean, and nuke it a few more times while dropping it in.

Templeton snuck a peak from behind Phil's collar. Having finally run out of 'Food Delivery' options in the Yellow Pages that were still answering the phone, LOBO was in the kitchen trying to boil one of my frozen pot pies.

Needless to say, it burst into flames.

Eh, Templeton figured, it was a good run.

Predator Press Revealed!

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Yes, 'o loyal reader!

As promised, today is the day I dispel this 'shroud of mystery' by releasing high-resolution pictures of the entire Predator Press staff!



Phoebe:



Sapphire:



Ethan:



Mr Insanity:

And 'Yours Truly':

Chinese

Predator Press

[LOBO]

So where the heck is FEMA already?

Phil and I are alone in Mr Insanity's place, surrounded by millions of deadly, carnivorous, man-eating cicadas!

Sapphire abandoned us after a speech about "Needing to save humankind from certain destruction," or something. Ah, you know chicks ... 'blah, blah, blah blablah, blah'. I wasn't paying attention.

But while exploring my rather posh tomb, I found Mr Insanity's digital scanner. And since I'm not under adult supervision --as mandated by Illinois State Law I might add-- I've decided to publish pictures of the entire Predator Press staff tomorrow, myself included.

How dare these people flout Illinois State Law?

But that’s tomorrow. Right now I'm starving, and the jerk delivering my Chinese is 45 minutes late.

I think the cicadas got him.

That means in another 15 minutes, they are going to be pissed.

On Mom's Fridge (Magnetized for Your Protection)

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Pontius Pirate

Predator Press

[LOBO]

I watched Sapphire crunch through the pile of skeletons as she made her way from the car to the front door. While the carnivorous cicadas eyed her warily, they appeared disinterested in dining on the advanced synthetic plastics and alloys she was constructed from.

To them, she's the human equivalent of tofu.

Half of the entire town has been wiped out. Their skeletons, scattered and twisted in agonized poses, were baking dry in the noonday sun.

It's the biblical Plague of Locusts.

Armageddon.

--Jerry Falwell must've told Jesus about Sanjaya.

Someone knocked at the door.

"Who is it?" I ask.

"It's me, dumbass," says Sapphire.

"How do I know it's really you, and not some particularly intelligent cicada?"

"Open this goddamn door," demands the voice, "or I'll pull your tongue through your keyster!"

"It is you!" I says, letting her in quickly. "Thank God you came."

"What happened here? Why are there so many bodies in the lawn?"

I point at a group of skeletons sprinkled with gardening tools. "Well, in chronological order, those guys are gardeners. Those guys are the Fire Department, who I called to rescue the gardeners. Those guys are the cops I called to rescue the Fire Department. And that's what's left of the pizza delivery guy."

"Why did you call the pizza delivery guy?"

"I was hungry."