Pokey

Predator Press

[LOBO]

It has come to my attention that websites like "Stuff and Stuff and Stuff" are currently fundraising for Babs' bail money.

I've linked all of them in the Site Guide --right under “Petit Mal”-- just so you know that you don't have to go there; I'm bound to come up with that $60 by simple virtue of this huge stack of scratch-off lottery tickets.

These lottery tickets --coupled with about 40,000 of your generous pennies so's I can scratch 'em off-- means I have everything well-in-hand.

... And Babs always wanted to hang with Paris Hilton ... !

Focus

Predator Press

[LOBO]

So I’m worried that Babs is still in jail, and standing in line behind these two guys trying to get into this classy restaurant. One of them is wearing an “I FARM YOU EAT” sweatshirt.

And I’m thinking a guy with that shirt could pull down chicks like crazy.

I mean think about it; a guy that fondles cows knows how to keep his hands warm, right?

... But enough about promiscuous, deviant cows! I have Babs to get out of jail, and $60 worth of inventive bail money to come up with.

I must focus.


***

Now, I’m a vegan.

But for purposes of keeping an eye on this sick 'farming' monster, I eat a big rib-eye steak, baked Alaska, fried mushrooms, pork chops, potato skins, truffles, and drink a diet Pepsi.

--all the while focusing like a laserbeam on how to get Babs out of jail.

Still, I wish this weirdo would leave those poor cows alone.

That sick bastard fits the profile of a ‘Bovine Enabler’ precisely.

Ads We Need to See

Predator Press

[LOBO]

DIAMONDS
"If you're going to smack the bitch around,
give her parents something to think over."

Spring Hopes Eternal

Predator Press

[LOBO]

I venomously hate my lawn.

It's always arrogantly growing, like "Look LOBO, I'm a big green jerk and I'm screwing up your weekend 'cuz now you gotta mow! HAHAHAHA"

I want my lawn dead.

Every last blade.

I want a goddamn chloroform Holocaust.

I'll mow one last @#$!@$!! time, and leave the remains all scattered about as a warning to the other grass thinking about growing here.

Then I can lay down green linoleum, and just hose it off once a month ...

TORNADO PROVEN TO BE FAJITA LEVEL 5

Predator Press

Predator Press Copy Editor fired as FEMA deploys sour
cream, salsa, dice, and 'Monster Manual'

I, Calculatron

Predator Press

[LOBO]

The reason I failed the exam for my blogger license is ‘cuz they ask trick questions.

They ask you stuff like:

2 + 2 = ?

I mean come on!

It could just be two couples hanging out, right? I mean that’s open to a lot of interpretation. Now a question like:

2 X 2 = ?

-That’s obviously a 'fourgy'!

When Dreams Go All Frappe

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Well, Rupert Murdoch’s check never materialized.

--Honestly, I don’t know why people do business with guys like that.

Worse, I got like ten calls from Babs asking me why I haven’t bailed her out of prison yet.

It’s not like I forgot, it’s just that that sixty bucks was supposed to come out of Rupert’s 3 billion.

After a couple of days, I realized Rupert was stiffing me, and then I guess I just got a little embarrassed.

God I wish she would stop calling.