This is the End

LOBO -Predator Press

A mere fifteen minutes after the freezing sweat started, I yelled a six dollar coffee into the toilet.

Ebola

This is a problem, because I am supposed to meet my friends to go to a rare festival; tickets were really expensive.

Smallpox

I barely made it to Rachel and Gina's bathroom. Mine is upstairs.

Bubonic plague

"Go on without me," I text the group valiantly.

Cholera

Alternating from fever and chills, I strip naked and start the showers, hoping to sort of 'regulate' my temperature.

Bird Flu

Suddenly feeling the need to sneeze, I scroll off some toilet paper. But, inhaling deeply before sneezing, the loose tail of the toilet paper shoots down my throat -I am now choking to death on a piece of toilet paper.

Smallpox

Self-applied Heimlich maneuvers busted my forehead on the marble. Now bleeding, I sunk to the floor, a blob of wet toilet paper stuck on the mirror.

Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia

Nobody will be home for days.  How will this be explained?

Cyanide Poisoning  (fuck you Nicolas Cage)

Reaching up to the sink, I fumbled for my cell phone, knocking off a makeup powder case which exploded everywhere when it hit the floor.  My naked sweaty body starts taking on the COVERGIRL mist.

Anthrax

"Well," I resolved. "This is exactly how I pictured it."