[LOBO]
t was almost certainly Aboxades.
“Haw!” exclaimed the overly-audible voice -a voice you can hear easily over the din of the Market- from behind. “There’s his puny brother!”
Some approaching heavy footsteps –three men total, perhaps.
-Aboxades has himself an entourage today.
To the back of Testicles’ head, Aboxades guffawed. “Have you come, perhaps, to compete against him?”
Some approaching heavy footsteps –three men total, perhaps.
-Aboxades has himself an entourage today.
To the back of Testicles’ head, Aboxades guffawed. “Have you come, perhaps, to compete against him?”
Laughter.
But now he had hecklers.
“Fuck off, Aboxades,” Testicles replied without looking up, almost on mindless autopilot; living in the shadow of the mighty Hercules, his older brother, had made him hardened to such teasing. “My brother ain’t nothin special,” he breathed coolly.
“Oh and you are?” said Aboxades. With an armored man flanking each side, the Aboxades party was now fully blocking The Competition from view. “Your brother is going on a quest for the Golden Fleece.”
“Yeah, well if he wins.” Testicles chuckled at the irony. It was coincidentally Hercules' turn, and all fell silent as he casually flung a shield.
Several miles.
Striking a distant rock on the horizon.
“He won,” one of the guards observed.
“Meh,” shrugged Testicles. “I’ve seen better.”Aboxades was aghast. “Better than that?”
Clearly both offended and wounded, Testicles noted Aboxades’ hero-worship. Rising to his feet, Testicles resolved himself to the improbability the men would simply leave.
“Well the way I see it,” said one of the guards, “while you fritter away under a shady tree, your brother is trying to save the kingdom.”
Suddenly, he had an idea. "Are you noble men of the wagering sort?” Still juggling, Testicles nodded at a flock of wild sheep. “I’ll bet you fifty greenbacks I can lay three sheep in that herd before they bolt in alarm.”
“That’s impossible,” said Aboxades. “And I don’t want a bunch of angry letters from PETA.”
“You’re on!” said a guard.
“I’m in for a hundred!” said the other, already fishing through his armor for his coinpurse.
Aboxades scowled. “All right. I’m in too.”
Testicles unzipped his loincloth -still juggling- and the men all looked away in discomfort.
“What are you doing?” cried Aboxades.
“Winning our bet,” Testicles explained. “Look, I understand that Hercules is a Hero and all. But Jesus … the guy is like nine feet tall. Most people run from my brother. I’m an Achilles man myself … “
Suddenly, in the distance, a sheep brayed.
“That’s amazing,” said Aboxades, forcing himself to look from between the fat, disarmingly-nimble fingers he used to shield his face.
"Well I can usually juggle up to four pieces of fruit with no problem," Testicles explained. "But five is extremely difficult-""No, I mean the sheep thing."
"Oh, that." Testicles shrugged. “Indeed Zeus has been very good to us. But I don't think you fully apprciate the complexity of juggling five pieces of fruit simultaneously-”
"Hey!" cried a voice in the distance, from the middle of the herd.
“Whoops!” said, Testicles, flinching slightly. “Sorry Odysseus!”
Suddenly another faraway sheep brayed, and one of Aboxades' guards fainted dead away.
“Haha!” laughed Aboxades. “Do the black one!”
