Maybe We Should Fuck Sharks
Predator Press
[LOBO]
For an animal that considers itself “sophisticated” and “evolved,” I think we look like a bunch of assholes.
I mean a sex drive is an instinct built-in to propagate any given species, right? But does the female aardvark require constant emotional reassurance? Does the male platypus hesitate to pounce on any beaver or duck it can? An holy crap don't get me started on monkfish. I don't know who or what they're doin it with, but somebody is fuckin 'em.
No, indeed -it seems the only critter that really needs a lot of lack of simplicity is the human male. But in a Cosmic sense, it's the human male job to shoot DNA at stuff ... and if we don't, we walk around with painful diamond cutter pointing at whoever we're talking to.
Males are about Diversity: if no willing vagina can be found, we start looking for alternatives. At some point, we don’t even need it to be a live organism … it could be a plate of sheet steel for instance. It flies in the face of even environmentalism ... What the hell are we supposed to do with all those bent and bloody girders that just don't "work" anymore?
The female, conversely, is in charge of Selection: she is programmed to perpetuate only the best genes. But is anyone comfortable with this decision in the hands of Kate Gosselin, Nicole Richie and Ann Coulter? Personally, I think those guys with the so-called “best genes” are total assholes anyway. And how many rap artists and Mel Gibsons do we really need?
For most of us, a 24/7 male libido is redundant, absurd, and -well, let's face it- probably dangerous. Couldn’t we just do spores or something? This is the same logic we use for cops: we hire them under the premise of protecting us, and what typically get is harangued, fined, detained, hassled, disrespected, and abused by them 99.99999999% of the time. And before you says “Oh but you sure love a cop when you need one,” let me also underline I love Chinese food too -once a year. You can’t fuck with me five hundred times, and then justify it all by one day doing what you were supposed to be doing all along.
Me an a cop can both lose an hour at the intersection I failed to come to a complete stop at -an intersection that hasn’t seen another vehicle since 1974- and then I can lose a day of work at court and $200 for the fine. On top of that, add what that cop and that court cost to all of us via local, county, state, and federal tax "contributions." But while this huge machine has been busy thwarting my cavalier and evil traffic device disregard, the streets are crawling with drugs and violent criminals they "don’t have the resources to fight?"
Really? No resources? We simply don't count all the hi tech police cars, cameras, guns, meter maids, ticket tablets, radar detectors, radios, computers, helicopters, prisons, uniforms, et cetera ... because the recent and rampant scourge of wanton 'stop sign anarchy' is taking up the whole goddamn budget? This is beyond stupid .... this is Fucking Stupid. And I -as a human being- am checking in as officially insulted: as far as I’m concerned, we’ve hired a criminal army with a bad attitude that spends most of their time harassing us, and is analogous to hiring an arsonist fire department. Where did my money go, asshole?
The ironic concept of cops arresting prostitutes could -quite possibly- make my head explode. What happened to our sacred capitalist “freedom” when cops get to wipe out their competition? We don’t even get to pick who will be fucking us?
As a species, we just don’t make any sense. Why do we just accept all this crap?
My money is on sharks.
[LOBO]For an animal that considers itself “sophisticated” and “evolved,” I think we look like a bunch of assholes.
I mean a sex drive is an instinct built-in to propagate any given species, right? But does the female aardvark require constant emotional reassurance? Does the male platypus hesitate to pounce on any beaver or duck it can? An holy crap don't get me started on monkfish. I don't know who or what they're doin it with, but somebody is fuckin 'em.
No, indeed -it seems the only critter that really needs a lot of lack of simplicity is the human male. But in a Cosmic sense, it's the human male job to shoot DNA at stuff ... and if we don't, we walk around with painful diamond cutter pointing at whoever we're talking to.
Males are about Diversity: if no willing vagina can be found, we start looking for alternatives. At some point, we don’t even need it to be a live organism … it could be a plate of sheet steel for instance. It flies in the face of even environmentalism ... What the hell are we supposed to do with all those bent and bloody girders that just don't "work" anymore?The female, conversely, is in charge of Selection: she is programmed to perpetuate only the best genes. But is anyone comfortable with this decision in the hands of Kate Gosselin, Nicole Richie and Ann Coulter? Personally, I think those guys with the so-called “best genes” are total assholes anyway. And how many rap artists and Mel Gibsons do we really need?
For most of us, a 24/7 male libido is redundant, absurd, and -well, let's face it- probably dangerous. Couldn’t we just do spores or something? This is the same logic we use for cops: we hire them under the premise of protecting us, and what typically get is harangued, fined, detained, hassled, disrespected, and abused by them 99.99999999% of the time. And before you says “Oh but you sure love a cop when you need one,” let me also underline I love Chinese food too -once a year. You can’t fuck with me five hundred times, and then justify it all by one day doing what you were supposed to be doing all along.
Me an a cop can both lose an hour at the intersection I failed to come to a complete stop at -an intersection that hasn’t seen another vehicle since 1974- and then I can lose a day of work at court and $200 for the fine. On top of that, add what that cop and that court cost to all of us via local, county, state, and federal tax "contributions." But while this huge machine has been busy thwarting my cavalier and evil traffic device disregard, the streets are crawling with drugs and violent criminals they "don’t have the resources to fight?"Really? No resources? We simply don't count all the hi tech police cars, cameras, guns, meter maids, ticket tablets, radar detectors, radios, computers, helicopters, prisons, uniforms, et cetera ... because the recent and rampant scourge of wanton 'stop sign anarchy' is taking up the whole goddamn budget? This is beyond stupid .... this is Fucking Stupid. And I -as a human being- am checking in as officially insulted: as far as I’m concerned, we’ve hired a criminal army with a bad attitude that spends most of their time harassing us, and is analogous to hiring an arsonist fire department. Where did my money go, asshole?
The ironic concept of cops arresting prostitutes could -quite possibly- make my head explode. What happened to our sacred capitalist “freedom” when cops get to wipe out their competition? We don’t even get to pick who will be fucking us?As a species, we just don’t make any sense. Why do we just accept all this crap?
My money is on sharks.
Comments
Also, in the mammalian world, males pretty much screw any female in heat, no matter how disgusting she might be. There are men, of course, who have the same problem, but it's nowhere near as widespread.
And given that we are frequently expected to overlook bad hygiene, beer bellies, asinine conversation, bald spots and delusions of grandeur and attractiveness, not to mention bailing them out of jail, I'm not exactly weeping for you guys.
And who said I had to deal with it. We encompasses all women.
And I'm not rich or famous.
On a non DNA-related topic, my wife read " ... bad hygiene, beer bellies, asinine conversation, bald spots and delusions of grandeur and attractiveness ..." and replied "Oh my God. I didn't know you and Stephanie knew each other ..."
:)