Righteous Fire

Predator Press

[LOBO]

“Now why in the blazes would you come in here and tell me you’re watching gay porn?”

“I said I was watching a documentary on the Homo erectus,” replies Terri. “You should write about that. You know, Evolution versus Creationism.”

“For all I know, God created the Earth in a fraction of an instant -and that instant might have dilated into our perception of a hundred jillion years,” I says, shaking my head. “Predator Press isn’t taking sides on this one. We’re just going to wait and see who Jesus kicks the crap out of, and then go from there.”

Watching for gaps in Terri's scowl, I choose my next words carefully. “And speaking of Jesus," I continue "-a name veritably synonymous with ‘Forgiveness,’ I think I blew a fuse in the Predator Press Researchatorium.”

“You blew a fuse at the kitchen table?”

“Yes,” I complain. “There goes the entire 2010 budget for Predator Press R and D.”

“How did you do it?”

“I got it recycling some cans a few months ago.”

“No,” says Terri, irritated. “I mean how did you blow the fuse?”

"Well technically I didn't. The fire did."

"What fire?"

“You know how sick we are of Screechy watching that Pixar movie WALL-E?“

“Ugh,” says Terri. “Don’t even utter that word aloud.”

“Well, the reign of terror is over,” I says. “But I’m pretty sure the DVD took the toaster out with it.”

“You blew the fuse putting the DVD in the toaster?”

“Honey, can you please set your anger aside for a moment? We have just suffered a tragedy!” I put my hand on my heart. “I loved that toaster. And taking that DVD for us was the most courageous thing I‘ve ever seen a household appliance do.” Thinking quickly, I change the subject. “Let‘s get back to that 'Homo-Phobia' thing. Why in the world would I write about people afraid of houses? What homeless people do in the privacy of their own homes is none of our business.”

“I said Homo erectus!“

“For the last time I'm not doing gay porn,” I says with finality. "And I don't care how bad we want toast."