Update: Michael Jackson Still Dead
Predator Press
[LOBO]
According to various news sources, Predator Press has confirmed that Michael Jackson is still dead.
“We were thrown off by four minutes of non-Jackson related stories yesterday,” cites a Predator Press insider. “About ninety seconds in, we totally forgot.”
CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News did not immediately return our numerous phone calls.
“I am outraged,” our source continues. “What kind of so-called ‘journalism’ is that?”
“There’s still plenty of much-needed affirmation available,” says the source’s wife. “Why the four minute gap in coverage? My hairdresser had a dream about Jackson in 2008, and has yet to be interviewed.”
Sven Roberts, 31, concurs. “I remember it as if it was yesterday. I had done two perms and seven highlights in about four hours, and got a little woozy from the fumes. While napping in the back room, I dreamed that Michael Jackson and I were running through Grand Central Station in our underpants while the commuters tried to pelt us with sour cream and guacamole. We almost made it, but alas, Michael stumbled at the exit and was overtaken. I ran back, but it was too late.” A tearful Roberts continues with difficulty. “Once down, they got him with the whole seven layer dip. It was horrible.”
Even the facts corroborating this seven layer dip story are eerie: the words Roberts, Central, Station, Michael and Jackson all have seven letters each.
Creepy, eh?
[LOBO]
According to various news sources, Predator Press has confirmed that Michael Jackson is still dead.
“We were thrown off by four minutes of non-Jackson related stories yesterday,” cites a Predator Press insider. “About ninety seconds in, we totally forgot.”
CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News did not immediately return our numerous phone calls.
“I am outraged,” our source continues. “What kind of so-called ‘journalism’ is that?”“There’s still plenty of much-needed affirmation available,” says the source’s wife. “Why the four minute gap in coverage? My hairdresser had a dream about Jackson in 2008, and has yet to be interviewed.”
Sven Roberts, 31, concurs. “I remember it as if it was yesterday. I had done two perms and seven highlights in about four hours, and got a little woozy from the fumes. While napping in the back room, I dreamed that Michael Jackson and I were running through Grand Central Station in our underpants while the commuters tried to pelt us with sour cream and guacamole. We almost made it, but alas, Michael stumbled at the exit and was overtaken. I ran back, but it was too late.” A tearful Roberts continues with difficulty. “Once down, they got him with the whole seven layer dip. It was horrible.”
Even the facts corroborating this seven layer dip story are eerie: the words Roberts, Central, Station, Michael and Jackson all have seven letters each.
Creepy, eh?
Comments
7 letter words, especially in multiples, always give me the creeps.
I'm not sure if this is a credit or an elbow to the abdomen, but this post was partly inspired by this story.
I understand he's getting buried again on Saturday in Mecca, and this time Elvis is singing "In the Ghetto" to open the gala event.
(Hmmm ... I wonder what this country would look like if he had this dream instead.)
Doc: Man, it wouldn't shock me for a handful people to be looking at this with some religious fervor.
Terri wanted to watch a 90 minute cable special on Michael Jackson last night (also a partial inspiration), and this woman -a fan outside the late MJ's compound- was just blubbering "This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me."
I was like, "Really? This is the worst thing!?"
-Woulda been pretty cool actually, cept then the lawsuits would begin: "I was so traumatized by Michael Jackson's faked death, I deserve 52 million dollars ..."
Come on Michael, do something else now!
Why didn't anyone tell me?
Chris: Supposedly ... I'll have to check the news to verify that.
Tiggy: I swear to God this is true, and mark my words (I’ve always wanted to say “mark my words!” with conviction. That was cool). Michael Jackson was in contact with an "art taxidermist" (for lack of a better term) for maybe four months ago -this guy is the Europian [sp?] that designed a controversial Exhibit at the either the Museum of Science and Industry or the Field Museum. “The Body” something.
Anywho, the exhibit was deemed “controversial,” incidentally, because the quality of the detail in the models was so lifelike it was suspected (and implied) not to be sculpture at all.
-I think Michael's got one more in him.
Sue: Don't be silly. Michael Jackson is-
-Oh my God. It's on CNN. It's true ...
Mom: Once I have everyone fooled that there is nothing to fear, I'll be sneaking in to dismember the body.
(Just in case)
(Ah crap. And here I didn't want to post today ...)
Oh, yeah, MJ had vitiligo, sorry. Usually when black people get vitiligo, they cover the light patches with makeup or tattoos. They don't bleach themselves. But whatever. I'm just glad he's still dead.
(Oh Christ, I think I've broken the Space-Time Continuum again)
kathcom: haha! For a second I thought I was getting my first (inevitable) MJ post detractor.
-I simply don't believe in diseases that start with a "V" ...
It's just more high-score Scrabble bullshit.