Sonia Sotomayor, Put Down the Chunky Monkey and Step Away from the Refrigerator
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Oh come on -you're all thinking it.
Picture: the Bailiff calls “All rise,” and here she comes in flip flops -the usual schlop schlop schlop sounds drowned out in the clicketty-clackitty of hippopotamus toenails spilling over to grip the marble floor (in case gravity spontaneously reversed itself).
Approaching “The Bench,” she pushes yesterday’s cellophane wrappers and donut boxes off of her desk -in a single swipe- at the bailiff.
"File those, asshole" she demands, and punches in an eight digit combination on her government-issued briefcase to procure the sole item enclosed: a George Foreman Grill.
Belching contentedly, she then skims a jelly-stained copy of a Row v. Wade deposition while picking her teeth with a still-smoking rib from yesterday's losing prosecuting attorney -a Pfizer rep that smelled vaguely of Old Spice and barbeque sauce.
Look, I’m sure whatever the Supreme Court does is very, very important from time-to-time: I don’t want to turn on C-SPAN only to see out-of-fuel helicopters crashing due to misjudged close-up shot distances.And I’m as “Progressive” and “Enlightened” as anybody regarding chicks wanting do a dude's work: as long as you only make 70% of the pay, hey, knock yourself out.
-But unlike American Idol, this isn't based on weight: the Senate isn't doing her any favors by mincing about the seemingly-taboo issue of her immense, galactic-scale girth. What if, for instance, she’s in Tokyo and innocuously wants to go to the beach?
Those panic-prone Japanese might call Mothra!
Comments
I get this is important. But does “Ooo, you’re scary because of occasional comments from eight years ago” really warrant 100 guys on my dime being flown to Capitol Hill only to repeat it over and over and offer commentary? Ugh. Please kill me. Sotomayer should just put the answer to that question on a mass-produced flyer and take the day off.
An I gotta level with you: the “Wise Latina” stuff doesn’t really bother me either. I know white guys I wouldn’t give a goldfish. I know white guys that I wouldn’t give a goldfish I hated. If my mom was raped by a goldfish and I caught that fucker and there’s a choice between giving that specific handful of my white friends the fish and a guy from Red Lobster that wants to charge me $50 to take it, boom, I’m out $50.
-I wouldn’t even negotiate a trip to the salad bar.
-New Rule: You gotta ask something remotely different than the last eight guys.
Speedy: I can't seem to comment on your site; I hit a forever screen lag. I wanted to say "Please be sure the monster knows there is a hungry lizard behind him ... "
At the least, the automatic assumptions about her sugar consumption is dead on wrong. Not to say that this was a serious post, but, truthfully, if she's and honest and thoughtful judge, that's worth far more to me than if she were pinup worthy like Alaska's camera-happy soon to be ex-Governor.
There should be professions where your mind and your integrity are worth more that your appearance. I'm damn grateful I'm in one of them, though I don't doubt people say the same things about me like you said about Sotomayer.
But they respect what I do.
Jamie: I’m with you. I just want to scream “Get over yourselves and get back to work!”