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Predator Press

[LOBO]

CNN is ablaze with stories regarding the Nomura Jellyfish, a 450 pound six foot long creature poised to invade the Sea of Japan.

And what made the Japanese -the ferocious Kamikaze crazies- become so fearful they wont even stick a big toe in their own ocean?

I, speaking for all of us, blame the Republicans.

The Republicans are always getting in the way of scientific progress. “We shouldn’t clone,” they whimper and sob into their cognac sifters. “Cloning is the equivalent of playing God.”

Well why shouldn't poor people be able to play God too? I would love to play God (as long as I can be the racecar, and don’t have to be the Banker).

With slight little tweaks of DNA, we could counter the onslaught of Nomura Jellyfish with wave after wave of Peanut Butterfish and tenacious Whitebread Octopi. Get some already-existing Swordfish to cut the diagonal, and pow we're done: like WWII, America has once again rescued Japan from certain destruction.

-We could even develop an arthropod that takes the crusts off!


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Nooter said…
if youre holding a jellyfish and you drop it on the floor, does it land gooey side down?
9:43 AM
ReformingGeek said…
Why does that thing remind of some creature from Doctor Who?
1:29 PM
Stephanie Barr said…
Which, of course, sounds way more exciting than just having them dropping their nets when the Japanese authorities warn them the Nomura are approaching. Ah, where's Godzilla when you need her?

(I wanted to be the racecar!)
4:14 PM
Anonymous said…
Sitting at a sand bar drinking a rusty snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred with a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side. This comment brought to you courtesy of Dr. Demento.
5:01 PM
The Johnson's Zoo said…
They say urine helps jellyfish stings, so let the Republicans get in the way. If they get stung, it'll be a win-win situation for everyone.
4:51 PM
LOBO said…
Nooter: I dunno, but I feed them cinderblocks and pointy sticks so they qualify as "Extra-Chunky."

Reforming Geek: Kinda makes H.P. Lovecraft look like an ameteur hack, don't it?

Stephanie: Too late! I called it! [sticking fingers in ears] "Lalalalaaaa ..."

Jamie: You would think a doctor would have better things to do than rip off my palm pilot.

It's really hard to Twitter on this thing!

TJZ: I agree. Everyone should be pre-peed.

(Thanks to Larry Flynt, recruiting for the mission is a snap.)
4:25 PM
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