
[LOBO]
People are always asking me, ”LOBO, you are so smooth and cool when it comes to women. What is the secret?”
Well I’m glad you asked me that.
-It just so happens I live with two women as well: my lovely wife Terri and teenage daughter, eh, Complainy.
So who better to lecture comprehensively on this subject?
Hm?
If you think about it, I’m what you might call an expert.
Yeah.
As a species I wouldn’t trade with women in a million years. For starters there’s that whole “Childbirth” thing. For those of you not familiar with the concept of “Childbirth,” “Childbirth” is where you essentially try and crap a chair. And not just any chair either: it’s like crapping one of those folding steel chairs you see on the WWE.
The weird thing is women keep doing it: even as you read this, somewhere a woman is going through “Childbirth” –and all in the full knowledge of what she’s in for.

-These people have like six months of advanced knowledge.
Weird!
In an effort to explore this inexplicable trait, I have gone through Terri and Complainy’s bathroom cosmetics. I found mostly unpleasant-seeming things such as “Apricot Scrub.” Yuck. There’s a tube labeled “Morning Burst” that makes me wince just thinking about it: can you imagine stumbling groggily into your shower, and BANG!, getting a burst of any kind? Unless it’s the shrapnel of coffee in paste form, I don't want it.
“Cranberry Tart Body Butter” got my attention. Firstly, on the label “Cranberry Tart” is written in an elaborate flowing calligraphy and looks like “Cranberry Fart” until you look at it closely (I'll take a picture of it when I get my camera back).
But what the heck is “body butter?"
-And wouldn’t something that made your farts smell like cranberries been infinitely more practical?

In the meantime, the kids are away tonight and Terri is going to be home in a half an hour. I’m going to answer the door absolutely slathered in body butter, and in nothing else but a loincloth made from toast.
I hope she’s hungry.
:)~
17 comments:
You just ruined my day.
Excellent work.
LOL! Dan I'm so glad you're in a "back" swing. You have a kickass blog. Everytime I see you have a new post I go in full knowledge I'm getting the frying pan from Terri ... heehee
:)
My bet is that your wife will lose her appetite.
I hope not.
-We could use a new chair.
Have you heard of the new rage- "orgasmic birthing"? I'm wondering what kind of chair produces such a reaction. Wait, I got it!
The electric chair.
Glad to see romance isn't dead. You won't hit her with the chair will you?
I hear Nick Foley is back.
I know someone with a snuggly you can borrow.
And now I feel like some toast... is there something wrong with me?
You're only going to have one more half on this? I feel this could be a series. A weekly series? :)
My woman loves morning burst, especially in the shower!
My woman loves morning burst, especially in the shower!
You are wise beyond your years my friend :)
I now know what enlightenment feels like. The price is another year in a mental hospital from those last few lines...
Funny stuff.
Crapping a chair, that was great! So much more descriptive than "miracle of birth" and similar lines.
Body butter? Now everything makes sense ...
I of course meant Mick Foley. Who gives a crap if Nick Foley is back? Not me.
LMAO!!! You are so wise in the ways of women!
I almost spit my drink out when I saw that you named your teenage girl complainey! I have a complainy too!
I guess that means I WAS a complainey. :(
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