Unraveling at the Speed of Lies
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Santa cracks his overly-large knuckles, ho ho ho, as Scraps, the mighty mythic dragon circles overhead. And all I keep thinking about is that I'm late for the CPR training Ethan set up for me.
I fucking hate 'Credence'.
Santa circles ever closer, wiping his nose with his thumb.
BANG
I see white.
My vision returns, but I taste blood.
Santa, toying with me, sets up for a punch that will likely be felt by my long-dead Grandmother.
And then he's gone.
I realize I've just heard a shotgun blast. Looking over, I see Sapphire running towards me.
I look to where Santa was, and realize he has fallen off of the edge of the plateau, his body twisted in impossible angles on the jagged, naked-women crawling rocks.
"I'm programmed to love and protect you!" Sapphire cries, embracing me with the only hand free of a firearm.
"But you just killed Santa Claus!" I cry.
The Earth explodes.
With his mighty, mythic tail, Scraps was destroying the surface of the plateau, chunk by chunk. He screams in rage, bellowing fire into the sky.
Spotting my rather stellar an sparkly rock, he turns. There's a brief silence before the tail detonates the thing to dust, and he spins to closely inspect the electrifying ruin.
Suddenly, a little black dot darts out.
Sapphire and I watch in terrified fascination as the spot leaps onto the dragon's massive snout, dives into the soft, wet membrane of the beast's reptilian eye, and starts shredding.
"Oh my God," says Sapphire. "It's Phil!"
Scraps lands, rubbing his eye with a leathery wing for a minute. Then a few drops of Visine.
And then he went crazy.
***
After seventeen minutes of agonized rage, Scraps had succeeded in tearing his own head completely apart. He shit right there in the sky, and the coasted lazily into a broken neck on the ground.
This is The End.
Thank you for letting me be part of your laughter.
*
*
*
[LOBO]
Santa cracks his overly-large knuckles, ho ho ho, as Scraps, the mighty mythic dragon circles overhead. And all I keep thinking about is that I'm late for the CPR training Ethan set up for me.
I fucking hate 'Credence'.
Santa circles ever closer, wiping his nose with his thumb.
BANG
I see white.
My vision returns, but I taste blood.
Santa, toying with me, sets up for a punch that will likely be felt by my long-dead Grandmother.
And then he's gone.
I realize I've just heard a shotgun blast. Looking over, I see Sapphire running towards me.
I look to where Santa was, and realize he has fallen off of the edge of the plateau, his body twisted in impossible angles on the jagged, naked-women crawling rocks.
"I'm programmed to love and protect you!" Sapphire cries, embracing me with the only hand free of a firearm.
"But you just killed Santa Claus!" I cry.
The Earth explodes.
With his mighty, mythic tail, Scraps was destroying the surface of the plateau, chunk by chunk. He screams in rage, bellowing fire into the sky.
Spotting my rather stellar an sparkly rock, he turns. There's a brief silence before the tail detonates the thing to dust, and he spins to closely inspect the electrifying ruin.
Suddenly, a little black dot darts out.
Sapphire and I watch in terrified fascination as the spot leaps onto the dragon's massive snout, dives into the soft, wet membrane of the beast's reptilian eye, and starts shredding.
"Oh my God," says Sapphire. "It's Phil!"
Scraps lands, rubbing his eye with a leathery wing for a minute. Then a few drops of Visine.
And then he went crazy.
After seventeen minutes of agonized rage, Scraps had succeeded in tearing his own head completely apart. He shit right there in the sky, and the coasted lazily into a broken neck on the ground.
Thank you for letting me be part of your laughter.
*
*
*
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