Predator Press
["Letter to the Editor" posted by Ethan]
Thank you for you your kind words and support.
Now, finger slashed, I am but a mere shell of a man, completely incapable of playing either X-
Box or Playstation II.
I can’t shoot at anyone, videogame or otherwise!!! I just stand
there helplessly in Diablo II, vainly trying to hammer out peace accords
with the zombies. And everybody knows those zombies are Goddamn deadbeats!
Please fundraise or something because I definitely need to shoot somebody soon, and the
current technology doesn't allow me to do it in virtual reality.
Glenn Hoek,
New Jersey
Tuesday
Evaluating your Boss
Predator Press
[By LOBO]
Heart's out to the poor bleeding guy getting smothered in beauracracy! My boss is a real piece of work too. He can go on for forty-five minutes about this corporate equasion he doesn't even understand.
I could explain it to him ... it's pretty simple: Once a week he pounds his statistics into a sophisticated corporate computer which calculates his labor costs versus productivity. And once a week, no matter what he reports, he gets a prompt readout saying "Wow, you almost made it this week ... !"
And he thinks I'm a moron.
Needless to say, when the annual and anonymous "Manager Evaluations" come around, I like to have a little fun as payback for getting kicked around all year.
This year's read like this:
"To: Zane Distribution Center
Re: Professional Evaluation of Dashel C. Cunning III, Outbound Operations Manager
'Meester Cunnings ees very kind man. He let us off truck and only work us for ate or 9 hours until he bring us cup water in cleant pee cup. And he let us sleep every few days.
He whip us very seldom. My back almost healed already! But I think he give my sisters very bad disease. They cannot urinate without burning sensation.
Please forwar my $31 check to my family as Meester Cunning not let us out of trailer when not working. An tell them to pray for me. A lot. I broke 3 finger so far and one has catching infection and making me hallucinate, but Meester Cunning say no penecillin in country right now, but much plenty Fanta Cola from doctor to pour on meantime.'"
Sincerely, Flandsa Ha’asasanba.
Handwrite it with your off-hand, so it looks really sloppy and illegible. Even if the corporates can read six words of it, your manager or supervisor will be in meetings for weeks.
... You know, out of the way ...
[By LOBO]
Heart's out to the poor bleeding guy getting smothered in beauracracy! My boss is a real piece of work too. He can go on for forty-five minutes about this corporate equasion he doesn't even understand.
I could explain it to him ... it's pretty simple: Once a week he pounds his statistics into a sophisticated corporate computer which calculates his labor costs versus productivity. And once a week, no matter what he reports, he gets a prompt readout saying "Wow, you almost made it this week ... !"
And he thinks I'm a moron.
Needless to say, when the annual and anonymous "Manager Evaluations" come around, I like to have a little fun as payback for getting kicked around all year.
This year's read like this:
"To: Zane Distribution Center
Re: Professional Evaluation of Dashel C. Cunning III, Outbound Operations Manager
'Meester Cunnings ees very kind man. He let us off truck and only work us for ate or 9 hours until he bring us cup water in cleant pee cup. And he let us sleep every few days.
He whip us very seldom. My back almost healed already! But I think he give my sisters very bad disease. They cannot urinate without burning sensation.
Please forwar my $31 check to my family as Meester Cunning not let us out of trailer when not working. An tell them to pray for me. A lot. I broke 3 finger so far and one has catching infection and making me hallucinate, but Meester Cunning say no penecillin in country right now, but much plenty Fanta Cola from doctor to pour on meantime.'"
Sincerely, Flandsa Ha’asasanba.
Handwrite it with your off-hand, so it looks really sloppy and illegible. Even if the corporates can read six words of it, your manager or supervisor will be in meetings for weeks.
... You know, out of the way ...
Saturday
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