[LOBO]
You are the only sane one left. All the other signs of the Zodiac have gone crazy and are out to get you.It's kill or be killed, you poor bastard.
It is a tumor.-I don't know how you did it, but you got testicular, prostate, ovarian and breast.
On the bright side, those things incubating on your itchy genitalia won't be succesfully diagnosed until after the autopsy.
You are shrewd and ruthless: upon reading these horoscopes, you immediately buy life insurance on every Cancerian you know.To enjoy your bountiful destiny, it is a Cosmic imperative you eye your insurance broker strangely ... He's a Taurus. They like that.
It makes them respect you more.
Your lucky number today is "-1."
You are intelligent, amiable, charming, and good looking.Nobody can stand you.
You are a complete loser, and the only person in the world that doesn't know it. Your own mother has to refrain from signing it on your birthday cards. Even your pets know it; your dog hides on walks when other dogs are around, and your goldfish are trying to spell it in the aquarium gravel.Don't feel too bad, however; you could have been a Cancer ...
If you were never born, world hunger, famine and poverty would have abruptly ceased long ago; peace and harmony would've been the hallmark of all humankind.Other than that, your outlook is great.
Still waters run deep.Unfortunately, you are about as 'deep' as the Spice Girls.
Geminis should avoid careers that involve operating heavy machinery, explosives, basic math, spelling, and speaking out loud.
There's nothing wrong with your sexual appetites a little "Liquid G" can't handle.Otherwise, just conduct your sermons as normal.
You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Carry a can of mace, and you might be able to get away eventually. After prosthetics and several years of rehab, psychiatry, and heavy medication you might even be released to the family on weekends.-But don't count on it.
You Leo, are the lion of the Zodiac. This means you are as fat, lazy and worthless as the ones in the wild kingdom. While you sleep all day, your concubines run around hunting to feed you during the brief debacle of your slothful consciousness.Well done!
Your wonderful and generous nature is rewarded rather ironically by Fate when you 'Realize' you were killed by one of Colbie Caillat's tour busses.
You Pisces, are the fish of the Zodiac: your only claim to history and fame will be an indirect and unfortunate association with the invention of tartar sauce.Fish are ultimately animals that swim in their own urine and get hooked, beheaded, flayed, gutted, and deep-fried by the billions everyday. That having been said, do you really want to know your future?
As if your horoscope will say "You will wake up tomorrow a Scorpio" ... ?
Duh!!
