Predator Press
[LOBO]
Were we really all that interested in the first place?
I would have gone with Danny Bonaduce.
Tuesday
Frumpy Billionaire Interviewed on Larry King Live
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Were we really all that interested in the first place?
I would have gone with Danny Bonaduce.
Sunday
About the Author
Predator Press
There were a few "happy accidents" that caused this blog.
The first was the actual inception.
I used to be an insurance company "claims processor". My job, it soon occurred, was to find ways to deny insurance claims.
In my third year, some of my 'clients' were dead.
I knew them by name; I was familiar with their families.
Like anyone else that suddenly discovers their previously unknown rather ghoulish occupation, I started doing the heroic thing: I started fucking off at work. I remember blowing through about sixty claims an hour for maybe a month, approving every last one.
I got bonuses for record productivity.
In my ample spare time, I wrote gag "Official Company Memorandum", and push-pinned them neatly onto the company bulletin boards. Then I evolved to fake cutout newspaper articles about coworkers getting abducted by aliens.
For some reason, the company fired me.
The guy I base "Ethan" on drove me home after I was kicked off the premises.
We became fast friends.
And it's that same guy that courageously posted first on our "brainchild", in an effort to keep me writing.
The second "Accident" was filling out an online dating questionnaire.
Predator Press already existed, but it felt constrained. At the time, it was a blog as blogs are generally defined. In many ways, "LOBO" owes his mere existence over just plain snarky angst.
I kinda blew through the dating site profile questions, mildly amused; they all required answers like "long walks on the beach" and "cuddling with puppies". Bored, I thought it would be funny to fill out the whole thing like I was too stupid to know when I was supposed to lie. And having committed to the fantasy fully, I saw that writing like an honest and articulate five-year-old can be just plain liberating.
Thusly, "LOBO", the Snarquis de Sade is born.
And the girl that answered the ad?
I'm marrying her soon.
:)
Predator Press Whores First Ads Starting Monday
Predator Press
[LOBO]
I'm proud to announce that Predator Press has finally found a hard-working, decent American company with a fantastic product that is willing to frequently fist us lots of money for talking about it.
The contracts are being signed first thing Monday, and the HTML buttons and widgets that you people will need should be available shortly thereafter (assuming this fat advance check doesn't bounce).
While I can't profitably talk about it yet, I can say it's a top-secret new technology that makes your Windows 95 desktop look like Windows Vista at the paultry price of $19.99 a month.
To be honest, I haven't tried it yet. I started the installation process Wednesday, and it's still downloading. Plus I hadda do a few upgrades because it requires 975 megabytes of hard drive space and two gigs of ram. And a video card and a monitor with video ram. And a new motherboard.
... But they're telling me it's really slick, and the ads all have scantily-clad women in them.
[LOBO]
I'm proud to announce that Predator Press has finally found a hard-working, decent American company with a fantastic product that is willing to frequently fist us lots of money for talking about it.
The contracts are being signed first thing Monday, and the HTML buttons and widgets that you people will need should be available shortly thereafter (assuming this fat advance check doesn't bounce).
While I can't profitably talk about it yet, I can say it's a top-secret new technology that makes your Windows 95 desktop look like Windows Vista at the paultry price of $19.99 a month.
To be honest, I haven't tried it yet. I started the installation process Wednesday, and it's still downloading. Plus I hadda do a few upgrades because it requires 975 megabytes of hard drive space and two gigs of ram. And a video card and a monitor with video ram. And a new motherboard.
... But they're telling me it's really slick, and the ads all have scantily-clad women in them.
Next Year In Review
Predator Press
[LOBO]
After years of resisting Western influences,
Al Qaeda will struggle with the concept of "Bring
Your Daughter to Work" Day this April.
[LOBO]
Al Qaeda will struggle with the concept of "Bring
Your Daughter to Work" Day this April.
Saturday
New "Chick Magnet" Unveiled
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Behold.
Those NASCAR wusses said we shouldn't build it because it doesn't have brakes.
And NASA geeks said we couldn't build it, and the refrigerator in the background photo of the prototype was more aerodynamic.
But all we can hear over the 5,000,000 horsepower engine is soggy panties slapping against the floor.
Like the original, we haven't quite figured out how to make a full-scale mighty Chick Magnet V2.0 work yet.
But we can helicopter it in for $85,000 whenever you want to look cool.
[LOBO]Behold.
Those NASCAR wusses said we shouldn't build it because it doesn't have brakes.
And NASA geeks said we couldn't build it, and the refrigerator in the background photo of the prototype was more aerodynamic.
But all we can hear over the 5,000,000 horsepower engine is soggy panties slapping against the floor.
Like the original, we haven't quite figured out how to make a full-scale mighty Chick Magnet V2.0 work yet.
But we can helicopter it in for $85,000 whenever you want to look cool.
Come to My Site, or I Will Kill You
Predator Press
[LOBO]
As a trained and licensed killing machine, I'm perfectly capable of waxing the four or five people left that stubbornly aren't reading Predator Press; if not for my fear of flying, I would've been in the Special Forces.
I once decapitated a guy with my bus transfer.
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