The Final Cut

or, "I Have a Dream ... Somewhere."

Predator Press

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When the spot on your body that hurts the least has a pallet splinter in it, I suppose it's time one examines one's past decisions. Now couple that with working under a tin roof in triple digit weather for a third the pay I made three years ago, and realize I could spend decades assigning blame for that too.

Meh, screw it. Maybe I'll go back to school. I wanted to major in Philosophy, my first academic love, but before I graduated my guidance counselor freaked out. "At least major in Liberal Arts," he cried. "You'll never make a dime with a degree in Philosophy!"

Oh, the sweet irony.

-I should have that fucker killed.

If The Bat Wants To Play, We'll Play

Predator Press

Hot Lead, Cold Sweat (Rx)

Predator Press

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Period

Predator Press

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I know you millions and millions of throngs of Predator Press throngs see this post off and on as "Internet Swag." But this band -this song in particular- deserves to exist on Predator Press somewhere in perpetuity.

Truth be told it's a sore spot that draws a lot of unwanted commentary, and that's why it keeps getting deleted. But it carried me through a lot last year, and LOBO is now entering the "Middle Ages."

[*sigh*]

Why is everything so dark?

It makes it really hard to see if any kids are on my lawn.



NO FOO FOR YOU!

iwantone.exe

Predator Press

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Everyone laughed when I gave them the list of what I wanted for my Birthday back in February. "Sure we can get you a pony," they would scoff. "But the LOST smoke monster doesn't even exist."

Thank GOD for my friend Flandsa Ha’asasanba who happened to answer my Customer Service call to VISA.

Fuck VISA "Platinum" -for the paltry sum all of Terri's banking info, I got a Visa UNOBTANIUM card. And the pony arrives tomorrow.

-Jesus I hope the smoke monster eats ponies.

It's Official: EVERYTHING Pain in the Ass Now

Predator Press


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"Just because I took you off of Probation doesn't mean I don't still own 51% of Barbarossa Enterprises," I says, menacingly poking my finger into his birdcage chest. "And things like this could get you right back on Probation."

"Well I don't know if you're aware of this," Barbarossa retorts, "but congratulations J.R. Ewing. You are proud owner of 51% of all four seasons of Sealab 2021 on DVD and 100,000 pairs of socks."

"Ah-HA!" I says.

Wait.

-What?

"And don't ask about the sock thing," Barbarossa warns. "I have OCD as a consequence of childhood trauma. If I don't buy socks, I stab people."

Man those must be some pretty cool socks.

"Fine," I demand. "Then we'll start with the socks. I would like my 51% of them immediately. And don't think you're gonna to give me all the crappy socks either -I want all of the left-side ones, and 1,000 right-side of my choice."

I Feel Like This All The Time

Predator Press

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I Injured the Obliques!

Predator Press

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I, the Mighty LOBO, must wear glasses now.

-And all this time I thought the "Alphabits" were just talkin' trash.

Divided You Fall

Predator Press

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Want a decent example of how fucked contemporary America is? Rush Limbaugh and I are in total agreement.

The single surviving facet not struck down by the Supreme Court in Arizona's attempt to get a handle on their "Immigration" issue was the one where, if lawfully stopped, the police were authorized to verify the citizenship status of the individual.

Let me start by saying I do not think the need to present an ID is a racist issue. Even I, the Mighty LOBO -Senior LOBOnian Diplomat and Liason to the United States- have to present identification several times a week.

So all ten people legally in Arizona said, "Hey, we have to pay for these untaxed people through social services funded by our legal residents. Federal law prohibits this type undocumented 'occupation,' but you Feds are not enforcing your own laws. And this is really screwing the four people in Arizona who are paying taxes."

The Supreme Court rejected virtually every element of Arizona's proposed laws -based ironically on the fact that "immigration" is an exclusively Federal issue- but retained Arizona's right to identify "illegals" to the Feds.

So cool, right? At least the Feds are still on board?

Within HOURS of this teeny "victory," Federal officials told Arizona "Yeah. You can find out if they are illegal or not. But don't call us about it." I swear to God that's exactly what happened: the 'United' States told Arizona "You're still on your own."

So Arizona is handcuffed to whatever al qaeda fuck that wanders in without recourse because the Feds decided to be defunct and useless by selective enforcement of their own law? That's at least dereliction of duty if not outright treason, and Arizona is obliged to manage an unenforceable, porous, dangerous and expensive border as a consequence.

-Whoops ... can we really even call it a "border" at this point with a straight face?

I cite the United States in contempt of it's own hallowed "Constitution," and if I were Arizona, I would secede from this so-called "Union" entirely. LOBOnia backs Arizona 100%. Moreover, LOBOnia has plenty of room for Arizona, and invites Arizona to become an official LOBOnian territory -replete with a LOBOnian government and LOBOnian taxation.

C'mon Arizona. Think about it at least.

-LOBOnia has better weather too.

It's On

Predator Press

[LOBO]

"Hello?"

"Hello."

"Who is this?"

"You damn well know who this is. This is Debbie."

"Okay," I sigh, leaning back on the couch.

Brief pause.

"Is this Jesse?" she asks.

"Is this Debbie?" I demand.

-Holy crap. I hope I have popcorn left.

Mark it Zero

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