Where Do Babies Come From?
Predator Press

(My first children’s book. Illustrator needed)
So you have been wondering where babies come from, and you’re not buying the whole “stork” thing anymore?
Fret not.
-I'm gonna give you the straightforward birdless, beeless science.
See when mommies and daddies are in love, they take their pants off and share a ‘Special Hug.’ And if the hug is done right, they shoot Deoxyribonucleic Acid [DNA] all over each other. This acid sometimes makes babies.
But one day mommy found daddy with his pants off, shooting Deoxyribonucleic Acid all over the Realtor lady.
Mommy should have almost certainly gotten therapy -she still has that weird tic in her face. But instead she got an AR15 from the gun rack downstairs, and unloaded the clip on daddy and the Realtor lady while they were in the shower.

Probably.
But now that you’re older and have read the newspaper articles, have you ever wondered why you, daddy, and the Realtor lady all had the same last name and mommy doesn't? Or noticed that you look more like the Realtor lady than you do your so-called "mommy?"
Babies come from a horrible, horrible place.
Now go to sleep, ya lil bastard.
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