Predator Press
[LOBO]
Finally I’ve adjusted to getting up at 5 in the morning.
... So where the hell is everybody?
Monday
Saturday
Got Wood
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Well, I don't think any of us expected Sapphire's baby to be black.
But I can't dwell on these things right now. Predator Press is now in negotiations with George Lucas; we're remaking Plan 9 From Outer Space with the epic operational budget of $8,570,868,975.16.
Out of this, Ethan demands free Gatorade for life.
What the heck is 'Gatorade'?
[LOBO]
Well, I don't think any of us expected Sapphire's baby to be black.
But I can't dwell on these things right now. Predator Press is now in negotiations with George Lucas; we're remaking Plan 9 From Outer Space with the epic operational budget of $8,570,868,975.16.
Out of this, Ethan demands free Gatorade for life.
What the heck is 'Gatorade'?
Discuss
Predator Press
[LOBO]
"Look, what to you want?" says Mr I.
With my index finger I absently stroke the edge of his vast, meticulously neat desk. "You know how people at work make small talk over, say, football games or maybe how handicapped people are assholes?"
"What are you getting at?"
"What if all that 'small talk'," I says, making quote marks in the air with my fingers, "was about me raising your unborn bastard child with Sapphire?"
Mr I leans back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head. "Well, I would certainly have to kill everyone involved in that conversation," he says. “With hollowpoints. At point-blank range.”
"Well, we're out of trash bags in the break room," I says.
“Damn it!” his eyebrows narrow. "Can't that Cobe handle anything?"
[LOBO]
"Look, what to you want?" says Mr I.
With my index finger I absently stroke the edge of his vast, meticulously neat desk. "You know how people at work make small talk over, say, football games or maybe how handicapped people are assholes?"
"What are you getting at?"
"What if all that 'small talk'," I says, making quote marks in the air with my fingers, "was about me raising your unborn bastard child with Sapphire?"
Mr I leans back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head. "Well, I would certainly have to kill everyone involved in that conversation," he says. “With hollowpoints. At point-blank range.”
"Well, we're out of trash bags in the break room," I says.
“Damn it!” his eyebrows narrow. "Can't that Cobe handle anything?"
Pressing 20k
Predator Press
[LOBO]
"My God Sapphire," I says in amazement. "I've been gone for a week and you have completely let yourself go. You're a fat slob now! And I mean fat like in the Leviathan sense of the word."
Her mascara ran in flowing tears. "What do you want, asshole?"
"I want to love and cherish you forever. To make you happy for the rest of our lives, and to raise the baby in love."
"Really?"
"Absolutely."
"Well, will you break it to the baby's father? I'm hungy."
[LOBO]
"My God Sapphire," I says in amazement. "I've been gone for a week and you have completely let yourself go. You're a fat slob now! And I mean fat like in the Leviathan sense of the word."
Her mascara ran in flowing tears. "What do you want, asshole?"
"I want to love and cherish you forever. To make you happy for the rest of our lives, and to raise the baby in love."
"Really?"
"Absolutely."
"Well, will you break it to the baby's father? I'm hungy."
Got Game
Predator Press
[LOBO]
God is a funny guy.
He’ll go and tell you to do Stuff, and then go out of His way not to help you much.
I rode that glowing burro clear to the edge of the Atlantic Ocean: My thong is killing me.
It's absolutely true that burros tend to be a little on the 'gamey' side, but glowing burrows are delicious. And fortunately in Warsaw I was considered somewhat of a basketball phenomenon; soon I had enough money together from pick-up games for some A-1 and the forty hour flight home.
Great. Now my rollerblades thaw out.
Just wait until they turn off that "Please Fasten Seat Belt" light ...
[LOBO]
God is a funny guy.
He’ll go and tell you to do Stuff, and then go out of His way not to help you much.
I rode that glowing burro clear to the edge of the Atlantic Ocean: My thong is killing me.
It's absolutely true that burros tend to be a little on the 'gamey' side, but glowing burrows are delicious. And fortunately in Warsaw I was considered somewhat of a basketball phenomenon; soon I had enough money together from pick-up games for some A-1 and the forty hour flight home.
Great. Now my rollerblades thaw out.
Just wait until they turn off that "Please Fasten Seat Belt" light ...
Friday
Engine Light
Predator Press
”LOBO,” says God.
“What?” says me.
"You are going to go home and set things right with Charlize Theron -I mean, Sapphire- Jesus Christ, how does anybody keep all this straight? Have you any idea how much your blog sucks?”
“Vaguely,” says me.
"And after all that, I want you to really stick it to Cobe. I really hate that guy."
“Okie Dokie,” I says.
”LOBO,” says God.
“What?” says me.
"You are going to go home and set things right with Charlize Theron -I mean, Sapphire- Jesus Christ, how does anybody keep all this straight? Have you any idea how much your blog sucks?”
“Vaguely,” says me.
"And after all that, I want you to really stick it to Cobe. I really hate that guy."
“Okie Dokie,” I says.
Don't Cry For Me Charlize Theron
Predator Press
[Mr I]
“Yes,” says Ethan into the speakerphone. “We’re all bogged down with Operation: Silverfish."
“Ugh,” says LOBO. “Sir, who is naming your Operations now?
“Cobe.”
”Well, we all knew it would be hard to top ‘Operation: Never Too Drunk To Fuck’, sir."
“Yes, but he keeps doing stuff.” Ethan complains. “The other day, I told him to get my Quarterly Reports prepared for inspection. You know what the little prick did?”
”He brought you the Quarterly Reports?”
“Yes. I'll be inspecting these things for hours!”
“The bastard. I’m sorry sir. I tried to warn you.”
“I know, I know. Say, is it cold there too?”
“Let’s put it this way. In this country, the leading cause of death is people tripping and impaling themselves on the lawn.”
“Sounds terrible, lobo.”
”Um, that’s LOBO sir.”
“What?”
"You’re mispronouncing my name again."
“Sorry,” Ethan replies. “Are you sure you don’t want to come back?”
"Are you kidding sir? It's the Great American Dream to live in the Bahamas."
"I suppose."
”Is Sapphire still preggers?”
“Oh yeah. I make Cobe get her pickles and Oreos at 3:30 every morning."
"But Sapphire hates pickles.”
"Yes she does," says Ethan. "But she hates Cobe more."
"When is she due?"
"She should be squeezing the lil bastard out any day now! We're all really excited ...”
[Mr I]
“Yes,” says Ethan into the speakerphone. “We’re all bogged down with Operation: Silverfish."
“Ugh,” says LOBO. “Sir, who is naming your Operations now?
“Cobe.”
”Well, we all knew it would be hard to top ‘Operation: Never Too Drunk To Fuck’, sir."
“Yes, but he keeps doing stuff.” Ethan complains. “The other day, I told him to get my Quarterly Reports prepared for inspection. You know what the little prick did?”
”He brought you the Quarterly Reports?”
“Yes. I'll be inspecting these things for hours!”
“The bastard. I’m sorry sir. I tried to warn you.”
“I know, I know. Say, is it cold there too?”
“Let’s put it this way. In this country, the leading cause of death is people tripping and impaling themselves on the lawn.”
“Sounds terrible, lobo.”
”Um, that’s LOBO sir.”
“What?”
"You’re mispronouncing my name again."
“Sorry,” Ethan replies. “Are you sure you don’t want to come back?”
"Are you kidding sir? It's the Great American Dream to live in the Bahamas."
"I suppose."
”Is Sapphire still preggers?”
“Oh yeah. I make Cobe get her pickles and Oreos at 3:30 every morning."
"But Sapphire hates pickles.”
"Yes she does," says Ethan. "But she hates Cobe more."
"When is she due?"
"She should be squeezing the lil bastard out any day now! We're all really excited ...”
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