Fimbulvetr

Predator Press

[LOBO]

When I left this morning, it was negative eleven degrees.

Holy shit that's cold.

I remote started the car through the kitchen window, and came out minutes later to find it off. I thought, “that's weird” and started her back up.  All kinds of blinking lights and crazy warning messages came on -like I was driving the flying saucer from Close Encounters.

“ESC MAINTENENCE REQUIRED.”

What the hell does that mean?

-"I'm too sexy to be stolen from the Earth,” I thought. "People will notice! Important people!

 

***

Home safely now. Banging the snow from my boots causes blinding pain, as numerous blisters have fused my feet to my socks. But even then it's hard to be upset. For one, I kinda like winter. Even this nigh-impervious dump is vulnerable to the beauty of a fresh coating of snow. But perhaps more importantly, it's almost Christmas … the months of crazy overtime are finally abating, and the four day vacation ahead -the longest I've had since August by far- is right around the corner.

I am greeted by a pleasant rush of warmth, and set the mail, an ironic mix of bills and Christmas cards, on the end table as I engage in the process of removing my winter gear. Phil II waits impatiently, mewing her plaintiff welcomes.

Preoccupied with the Christmas cards, I ponder looking forward to the end of the holiday season for all the wrong reasons.

-For the first time in years I am confronted with the possibility of not celebrating Christmas, and not having a good excuse for it this time.

Sexy Lulu

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Lars Arson's eyebrows raised, and he whistled in surprise.

"That's a pretty nice offer."

"Yeah," I agree, still fiddling with my new glasses.  Damn my asymmetrical head.

"You should consider taking it anyway," he adds.  "Think about it.  It matches your goals of increased pay and technically living closer to your parents."

I tilt my head up and down, testing the bifocal lenses on my beer bottle label.  "A month ago I would have pounced it," I says.  "But that place was a viper pit before the Sexy Lulu debacle.  Can you imagine it now?  If it was San Francisco, San Diego, Los Angeles ... hell even Seattle, I would be all systems go."

Lars sets his empty beer on the bar, and signals the bartender.  "Wasn't she supposed to move here in February?"

"Yeah.  February 2011," I reply.  "And 2012."

Dear 2014

Predator Press

[LOBO]

2013 wasn't all that bad. In fact the things that fell apart in 2013 would have been utter fiascoes if allowed to continue on into 2014. But the climb out of utter ruin has been slow and tedious, and I'm dissatisfied with the progress so far. So I decided to organize and write out some goals for 2014:

1) Move Closer to Family. I moved back to Chicagoland at the height of the recession out of desperation, relying on professional contacts and personal reputation to claw my way into the rather meager situation I'm in now. But as the recession slowly abates, it's clear Illinois is not the same industrious animal it once was: the taxes and weather are horrendous, good opportunities are scarce, the meter maids with guns (aka cops) are leaching whatever is left … and I'm just not “feeling” it anymore. Meanwhile my aging parents have happily semiretired. I need role models like that. This is crap. I'm better than this.

2) Network to a Better Job. My income needs to double. Sure this job saved me from homelessness and soup lines, but in the digitized age of Kindle and iPads, book distributor opportunities aren't likely to improve. I enjoy the work, so I need to be careful of getting complacent; actual “physical” books are increasingly exotic, and I suspect this industry will vanish altogether within the next decade.

3) Be More Careful about My Associations. I must accept that I can't fix people, and some only arise to their potential of being devastating setbacks. Reaching into my past, I want to try and recapture some carefully-selected old friendships that fate and misadventure drove away. And building from these lessons, I want to improve future relationships.

4) Quit Smoking. This battle is currently underway, as I'm about 70% on e-cigarettes. At this rate I should be done with both by the end of the year.

5) Less Internet, More Life. Fantasy baseball, social media (excluding ones relevant to goals 2 and 3), and news, news, news, have rendered me an anxiety-addled basket case. All are on the chopping block. I want to streamline use to fantasy football, blogging, podcasts and pornography, just like Al Gore intended.

And maybe get some sun.