Extreme "Mad Skillz" Home Improvement

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Well, I fixed the deck chair good as new.  And I'm starting to consider the garden variety Twisty-Tie mankind's greatest and most-unsung achievement.
 

“O Twisty Tie,
-what limits thee?
From bread to seats,
you mystify.

Your tensile strength

and flexing form,
magically born
in perfect lengths.”

See that? I just made that shit up. THAT'S how awed I am over the humble Twisty-Tie, forgotten in somebody's drawer -unassuming and patiently waiting to be deployed on its single purpose: to attach some shit to something else. Fuck cures for cancer and space shuttles: whoever invented the Twisty-Tie should get a Nobel Prize, season tickets to the Lakers, and a goddamn statue.

-I will bet you one million dollars that when God has decided He has had enough of this dump of a planet and we ironically save it from utter and well-deserved annihilation, there will be a Twisty-Tie involved somewhere.

So I'm on this crazy home improvement jag now, right?  I'm all fixing that weird, crooked drawer that doesn't close right, putting the toilet paper on the spool .... then I decide to finally install my television on the wall. At this point, I was pleased to find I own a tool.  A tool commonly referred to as a “screwdriver.”

This "tool" -which I had previously mistaken for one of mom's fancy cooking utensils- is a steel rod with a four-sided pointed tip used to drive screws ... hence it’s designation: a flathead screwdriver.

Used properly, this item can be held by the silvery thin part and used to bash the screws in with the wider end, also known as the handle.

But this television is a piece of crap.